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| Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new: remember that a lone amateur built the Ark, a large group of professionals built the Titanic. |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged titanic , new - Current Score: 141 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven. One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit. "That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?" "Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces." "Were you a pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates. "No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic." Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stormed off to find St. Peter. Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows Vista operating system! Why does he deserve better?!" "True," Peter replied, "But the Titanic only crashed once." | |
Joke by vasocam, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged gates , microsoft , titanic , saint peter - Current Score: 98 - Added: 1 year ago
| I call my new girlfriend Titanic. Not because she's big. It's because she went down on the first night. | |
Joke by pottyonetoo, in Sex and shit > Blow Job - Tagged titanic , down - Current Score: 69 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| What do you get if you cross the Atlantic with the Titanic?.. About halfway... | |
Joke by VAGINADINER, in Celebrity and news events > Titanic - Tagged titanic , atlantic - Current Score: 51 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Why are the films Titanic and The Sixth Sense so similar? Because Icy Dead People. | |
Joke by Speshal, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged titanic , sixth , 6th , sense , film - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| The UK is making a formal claim to part of the sea bed of the Atlantic including its potential oil and gas reserves. This revealed remarkable and uncharacteristic foresight on the part of the UK Government after making sure the Titanic planted the British flag there decades ago. | |
Joke by marley, in Celebrity and news events > Titanic - Tagged titanic , atlantic - Current Score: 32 - Added: 3 months, 8 days ago
| What's the difference between Paris Hilton and the Titanic? Less people went down on the Titanic. | |
Joke by mediator, in Celebrity and news events > Paris Hilton - Tagged titanic , paris hilton - Current Score: 30 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| After being forced to bathe our young son while my wife watched Titanic, I found a solution to the dilemma that you should never leave a child unattended in the bath. I ripped off the door, threw it in and handed him a whistle before leaving for the pub. I assumed, should the worst happen, my wife would at least laugh at the irony of the situation. | |
Joke by R88, in Illness and mortality > Dead Babies - Tagged titanic , dead babies - Current Score: 17 - Added: 2 months ago
| Amateurs...built the ark. Professionals...built the Titanic. | |
Joke by zykan, in Illness and mortality > titanic - Tagged titanic , ark - Current Score: 16 - Added: 2 months, 4 days ago
| So Spurs haven't started a season this bad since the Titanic sank. Now they're both at the bottom surrounded by shit. | |
Joke by meeks1982, in Jokes with no home > Spurs - Tagged titanic - Current Score: 2 - Added: 1 month, 29 days ago
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