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| The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toliet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles. One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down. A voice came from the cubicle next to me: 'Hello mate, how are you doing?' Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied 'Not too bad thanks.' After a short pause, I heard the voice again 'So, what are you up to?' Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, 'Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?' The next thing I heard him say was "sorry mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some cunt in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say.' |    |
Joke by johnboy, in Jokes with no home > true - Tagged toilet , crap , phone , toilet humour , gags , cunt - Current Score: 1499 - Added: 5 months ago
| I hear stories about a new kind of toilet paper being sold. There's a drawing of the prophet Mohammed on it and you get to colour him in! | |
Joke by bawbag, in Religion and racism > Muslim - Tagged muslim , mohammed , toilet , paper - Current Score: 202 - Added: 1 week ago
| Doc: "Mrs Jones, the results of your tests are back, I'm afraid you have Gonorrhea." Mrs Jones (very embarrassed): "Er, I think I caught it from a toilet seat" Doc: "Well you must have been chewing it then, it's in your gums" | |
Joke by william shatner, in Sex and shit > Gonorrheoa - Tagged gonorrhea , oral , gums , toilet - Current Score: 101 - Added: 4 months ago
| A husband asks his wife, 'you never argue when I get mad at you. How do you always control your anger?' 'I clean the toilet.' 'How does that help?' 'I use your toothbrush.' | |
Joke by lurch_555, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged toilet , toothbush - Current Score: 82 - Added: 5 months ago
| During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners questions the students, one by one. "Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" she asked. "Just a minute, I have to go piss." The teacher replied "That would be rude and impolite! What about you John, how would you say it?" "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table." "And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper." | |
Joke by AS, in Illness and mortality > Little Jonny - Tagged little jonny , as , pee , toilet - Current Score: 80 - Added: 3 months ago
| WAYS TO ANNOY THE PERSON IN THE NEXT TOILET CUBICLE Fill up a large flask with Lucozade. Squirt it erratically under the stall cubicle of your neighbours while yelling, "Whoa! Easy big boy!" Grunt and strain real loud for 30 minutes and then drop a melon into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy!! Don't fall asleep on me!!" Say, "Hmm, I've never seen that colour before. ......" Say, "Interesting. . . more floaters than sinkers. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a twenty pound note and drop the note under the cubicle wall of your neighbour. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please"? | |
Joke by baldlice, in Jokes with no home > Toilet - Tagged shit , poo , toilet , cubicle - Current Score: 74 - Added: 2 months ago
| Two flies on a toilet seat, ..one got pissed off. | |
Joke by M_T_KNUTSACK, in Jokes with no home > toilet - Tagged fly , toilet , not funny - Current Score: 43 - Added: 1 year ago
| This woman is spring cleaning her house and, while she is standing on a chair getting the cobwebs down, little Johnny can see right up her skirt. "What's that, mum, that hairy thing up there?" says little Johnny whilst pointing at her fanny Realising she did not put her knickers on, his mum said, "oh, it's my nerve." Just then the doorbell rang and little Johnny answered it. Standing there was a bloke in a suit who says, "hello, I'm from Addis, we make brushes, anything from sweeping brushes to toilet brushes. This is a new brush to clean the inside of a teapot, it's only a tenner. Can you ask your mother if she would like to buy it, please?" So little Johnny tells his mum and shows her the brush and she says, "a tenner for that, the thieving bastard! No, tell him I don't want it." So Johnny goes back to the bloke and says, "Mum doesn't want it, you're a thieving bastard." The bloke says, "you what?" Johnny says again, "Mum doesn't want it and you're a thieving bastard." So the bloke says, "well, you tell your mum she's got a fucking nerve." And little Johnny replies, "yes, and it's got a lot more hairs on it than your fucking brush." | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Little Johnny - Tagged little johnny , addis , brush , nerve , teapot , toilet - Current Score: 38 - Added: 2 months ago
| A man is sat in a toilet cubicle. He has been there an hour trying to do a shit, but he is constipated. Just then he hears the door on the adjoining cubicle open as someone walks in. Shortly afterwards he hears the sound of an almighty wet fart and the smell of fresh shit fills the air. "I wish that was me," cried the constipated man. "So do I," cried a voice, "I ain't pulled my trousers down yet." | |
Joke by stig2112, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged toilet , constipated - Current Score: 35 - Added: 3 months ago
| "Mummy, Mummy, can't we give Jane's baby a proper funeral?" "Shut up and keep flushing!" | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Jokes with no home > Mummy, Mummy - Tagged mummy , funeral , toilet , baby - Current Score: 35 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
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