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| A man walks into a pet shop, puts a bomb on the counter and says, "You've got one minute to get out of here before the place blows!" A tortoise in the back shouts, "You bastard!" |    |
Joke by superhorse, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged pet shop , tortoise , bomb , bastard - Current Score: 187 - Added: 8 months, 5 days ago
| Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic.So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. 'Ok Roy give me the bottle opener' 'I didn't bring it' says Roy. 'I thought you packed it'. Mick gets worried, He turns to Andy, 'Did you bring the bottle opener?'. Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts.' I KNEW IT! ...... I'M NOT FUCKING GOING.' | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Friends - Tagged tortoise , friends , picnic , beer - Current Score: 64 - Added: 8 months, 17 days ago
| Why are blondes like tortoises? They are both fucked when they're on their back. | |
Joke by innes, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blondes , tortoise - Current Score: 7 - Added: 5 months, 18 days ago
| I went away for two weeks recently, but I think it really offended my pet tortoise and she stormed off... I came home and she was half way down the garden path. | |
Joke by Aspen, in Jokes with no home > Pets - Tagged pets , tortoise , holiday - Current Score: -1 - Added: 3 weeks ago
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