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| Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson and bragged that, despite being 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Cilla Black, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Cilla says, "Sean, if I'm not bein too forward, I'd luv to 'ave sex with yer. Lets go back to my 'ouse, we could 'ave a lorra fun." So they went back to her place and got comfortable. After a couple of drinks they went off to bed and had an hour of mad passionate sex together. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me shleep for half an hour, and we can have better shex. But while I'm shleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and ma willie in your right hand." Cilla looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay." He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex than before. Then Sean says, 'Cilla, that was wonderful. But if you let me shleep for an hour, we can have the besht shex yet. You'll have to......." "I know Sean. Yer want me to 'old onto yer bat 'n balls again. No problem hun." Cilla complies with the routine. The results this time are absolutely mind blowing. Once it's all over, they have a drink, Sean lights a cigarette and Cilla asks. "Sean, tell me, dis 'oldin yer balls in one hand and yer willie in de other - does it really stimulate yer that much?" Sean replies, "No, not at all Cilla, but the last time I shlept with a scouser, the bitch stole ma wallet." |    |
Joke by sick puppy, in Celebrity and news events > Shirley Bassey - Tagged shirley bassey , fan , tour , black , racist , dick , balls , cock - Current Score: 94 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| I've just been on one of those coach mystery tours. To pass away the time, we had a competition to see who could guess where we were going. The fucking driver won. | |
Joke by guest1, in Jokes with no home > mystery tour - Tagged tour , crap - Current Score: 79 - Added: 6 months, 23 days ago
| It's just like the old days for Gary Glitter. A world tour, a police escort, being forced to sign his autograph the second he steps off the plane. | |
Joke by badhorsey, in Celebrity and news events > Gary Glitter - Tagged good old days , world , tour , police , escort , autograph , plane - Current Score: 67 - Added: 3 months, 11 days ago
| My girlfriend told me, "They're not wrinkles, they're laughter lines!" And you know what, that's the nicest thing anybody's ever said about my scrotum. | |
Joke by badhorsey, in Sex and shit > Balls - Tagged tour , scrotum - Current Score: 62 - Added: 9 months, 24 days ago
| I see Madonna has called her latest tour "Sticky and Sweet". Wouldn't "Walking Sticky and Hard Boiled Sweets" be more appropriate at her age? | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Celebrity and news events > Madonna - Tagged madonna , tour , sweets - Current Score: 7 - Added: 3 months, 9 days ago
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