I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me, "Oi, what's your disability?" I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off you cunt!"

There is an old lady in a nursing home whizzing up and down the corridor in her wheel chair when an ex-traffic policeman jumps out and stops her. "You do realize you were speeding just then? Could I have your driving license?" he says. She hands over her library card, he checks it and hands it back with a speeding ticket and lets her get on her way. An hour or two later the same old lady is doing the same laps when the ex-cop once again stops her. "That U-turn did just then was illegal, can I see your license please." Once again she hands over her library card he checks it and sends her on her way. Several minutes pass and she comes zooming down the corridor weaving all over the place. The cop jumps out his room stark bollock naked nursing a massive erection. "FUCK, not the breathalyser again!" utters the old lady.

Not everything is as it seems... I was at the traffic lights behind a car with a sticker on the bumper that read: 'Honk if you love Jesus'. So, I sounded my horn a couple of times. The driver leaned out of the window, gave me the wanker sign and yelled: "Can't you see the fucking lights are on red, you fucking prick?"

Policemen nowadays clearly don't have common sense anymore.. They clamped my car the other day because it was blocking traffic..

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank." Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Frank every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Frank. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano." Passenger: "Sounds like he was something, huh?" Cabbie: "He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." Passenger. "Wow, some guy, ehh? Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams, not like me, I always seem to get into them." "Passenger" Mmm, not many like that around." Cabbie: "And he knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good and never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too." Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?" Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank." Passenger: "Then how do you know so much about him?" Cabbie: "I married his ex-wife."

My god, the traffic these days is a state. Just the other day, I rear-ended a woman at rush hour. I'm glad I don't own a car.

A young man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic offence. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and that he would have to return the next day. "What for!" he snapped at the judge. His honour, equally irked by a tedious day and roared out loud, "Twenty pounds for contempt of court! That's why!" As the young man reached for his wallet, the judge relented, "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I know. I'm just checking to see if I have enough for two more words."

Server: Custurd in 0.26s using 9 queries. She's 14.69% angry.
Sickipedia v2.1 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel