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| There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as he had been slapped there. The Frenchman was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.' Claudia Schiffer was thinking: 'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French cunt again.' |    |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > French - Tagged train , english , french , slap , kiss , claudia schiffer - Current Score: 567 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. He was chuffed to bits. | |
Joke by Philthy, in Jokes with no home > Suicidal - Tagged suicide , train , friend , murder - Current Score: 517 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A man walk up to a ticket counter in Kings Cross Station. MAN: (In a bunged-up voice) "Firt clah ticket to Nottin'am, plis." TICKET GUY: "Sorry, sir?" MAN: "Firt clah ticket to Nottin'am, plisss!" TICKET GUY: (produces a packet of sweets) "You should try these, sir. New cherry menthol Tunes!" MAN: "Why? Will they cure my Down Syndrome?" | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged downs , train - Current Score: 176 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| What's difference between Smarties and Muslim extremists? Smarties don't explode in the tube. | |
Joke by Coast Of Yemen, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged muslim , smarties , terrorism , explode , blow up , tube , train , extremists - Current Score: 127 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A man was sitting on a London train eating a bag of fresh prawns, ripping off the heads and shells and then throwing them out of the window. After he had gobbled a few of them down an older woman opposite him said, "Would you mind not doing that? It's disgusting to watch.". "Listen love." He replied, "It's got nothing to do with you, I've paid my fare for this journey and I'll do what I damn well want on this train." He carried on ripping off the shells, throwing them out of the window and eating the prawns. Finally he finished the bag and settled back for a little sleep. The woman then started some knitting and all the man could hear while he was trying to sleep was the incessant clicking of her knitting needles. After a while, he sits back up and says to the woman, "Could you stop that noise, can't you see I'm trying to sleep?" "It's got nothing to do with you," replies the old woman, "I've paid my fare and I'll do what I want on this train." At that, the man grabbed the woman's knitting and threw it out of the window. The woman immediately stood up and pulled the train alarm cord. The man burst out laughing and said, "Ha ha, you'll get fined 200 pounds for that!" To which the old woman replied, "And you'll get six years when the police smell your fingers...." | |
Joke by PALROSS, in Jokes with no home > Trains - Tagged bloke , train , prawns , knitting - Current Score: 120 - Added: 1 year ago
| A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...because this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train...because we're going down the tracks." The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train .... but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say..."All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay.....please see the bitch in the kitchen...." | |
Joke by ht, in Jokes with no home > trains - Tagged train , mother , son , little johnny - Current Score: 111 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| On a train from London to Manchester an American was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stiff. You set yourself apart too much. You think your stiff upper lips make you above the rest of us. Look at me... I’m me. I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman replied, "Very sporting of your mother." | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Mummy Mummy - Tagged mother , american , yank , train - Current Score: 107 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Douglas was being evaluated for mental problems and was asked by the doctor, 'If a train was coming down the hallway toward you, what would you do?' Douglas replied, 'I would get in my helicopter and fly away!' The doctor then asked, 'Where did you get a helicopter from?' Douglas replied, 'The same place you got that fucking train!' | |
Joke by Doodlebug, in Illness and mortality > Mental - Tagged mental health , doctor , train , helicopter - Current Score: 93 - Added: 7 months, 13 days ago
| Twenty three people have been found glued to the ceiling and walls of a train station in Dublin. Police believe Irish Muslims have set off the first NO MORE NAILS bomb. | |
Joke by treefella22, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged irish , muslim , bomb , no more nails , train , tube - Current Score: 89 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| What's the best part of leaving Auschwitz? Plenty of room on the train. | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged aushwitz , train , room , plenty , first capital connect - Current Score: 87 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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