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| Those bastards in the pub, they told me it would be okay to keep a turkey in the freezer for up to three months. I put one in last night, and when I checked this morning, it was fucking dead. |    |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Pub - Tagged dead , night , three , freezer , turkey - Current Score: 159 - Added: 5 months, 5 days ago
| I look forward to Christmas every year, it's the only time I get a real treat. This year I have got hold of some Rohypnol. The Turkey won't be the only bird getting a good stuffing. | |
Joke by baldlice, in Religion and racism > Christmas - Tagged rohypnol , christmas , turkey - Current Score: 84 - Added: 2 days ago
| What are the McCanns getting for Christmas? A smaller turkey. | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > A Levels - Tagged maddie , christmas , turkey , madeleine mccann , gerry mccann , kate mccann , madeleine - Current Score: 70 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| What is Pavarotti's wife getting for Christmas? A smaller turkey... | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > Pavarotti - Tagged pavarotti , wife , turkey - Current Score: 69 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A jockey was riding the favourite at a race meeting, and was well ahead of the field. His horse rounded the final corner, when suddenly the jockey was hit on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages. He managed to keep control of his mount and pulled back into the lead, only to be struck by a box of Christmas crackers and a dozen mince pies as he went over the last fence. With great skill he managed to steer the horse to the front of the field once more when, on the run in, he was struck on the head by a bottle of sherry and a Christmas pudding. Thus distracted, he succeeded in coming only second. He immediately went to the race stewards to complain that he had been seriously hampered... | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Jockeys - Tagged hampered , pudding , sherry , christmas , turkey - Current Score: 29 - Added: 4 months, 8 days ago
| A turkey is chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighs the turkey, "but I just haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replies the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecks at a lump of dung and finds that it actually gives him enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reaches the second branch. Finally after a week, there he is proudly perched at the top of the tree. Unfortunately he is spotted by a farmer, who shoots him out of the tree. Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. | |
Joke by nominalchimp, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged turkey , bulls , bullshit , farmer - Current Score: 26 - Added: 10 months, 11 days ago
| I shagged a fat bird last night. Its amazing what you will do to an oven ready turkey when you are pissed. | |
Joke by Baldlice, in Sex and shit > Fat Bird - Tagged fat bird , turkey , sex , oven ready - Current Score: 20 - Added: 2 months, 8 days ago
| "May I take your sunday lunch order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, but first I'd like to know how do you prepare your turkeys?" "Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just tell them straight out that they're going to die." | |
Joke by garrygwizz, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged turkey , lunch , sunday - Current Score: 18 - Added: 6 months, 15 days ago
| What's the difference between a baby and a turkey? You can only stuff a turkey from one end. | |
Joke by Yersin, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged paedophilia , turkey , xmas - Current Score: 15 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A farmer in Norfolk has produced a genetically modified Turkey with three legs, when asked what they tasted like, he said "fuck knows I haven't caught one yet" | |
Joke by issachunt, in Religion and racism > Africans - Tagged norfolk , turkey , genetic , freak - Current Score: 3 - Added: 1 year ago
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