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| A copper in London pulled over a driver who'd been weaving in and out of the traffic. He approached the car window and said, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser." The man reached into his pocket and produced a doctor's note. On it was written: "This man suffers from chronic asthma. Do not make him perform any action that may leave him short of breath." The officer said, "OK then; I need you to come and give a blood sample." The man produced another letter. This one read: "This man is a haemophiliac. Please do not cause him to bleed in any way." So the officer said, "Right, I need a urine sample then." The man produced a third letter from his pocket. It read, "This man is an American. Please don't take the piss out of him." |    |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged driver , police , drunk , asthma , blood , sample , urine , football , derby county , piss - Current Score: 118 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I was in the Cinema the other day, and my mate got up and said, "I'm just nipping to the gents, you want anything?" I was like, "Yeah, I'd like a handful of piss please." | |
Joke by AS, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged cinema , piss , urine , jimmy carr - Current Score: 103 - Added: 7 months, 19 days ago
| Just got done for drink driving, was taken to police station where I was made to give a urine sample. Copper left sample on counter so I took it. Bastards have now charged me with taking the piss | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Drinking Jokes - Tagged drink driving , sample , urine , police - Current Score: 101 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| If there's one thing I've learned about women, it's that they can't stand pissing. | |
Joke by Dumbshit, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged women , pissing , urine - Current Score: 56 - Added: 5 months, 7 days ago
| I heard an olympic commentator asking, "Can anyone catch Usain Bolt?" Just take his urine sample more often, you'll catch him in the end. | |
Joke by mrluxuryyacht, in Celebrity and news events > Olympics - Tagged olympics , drugs , urine , doping , usain bolt - Current Score: 22 - Added: 3 months, 12 days ago
| I saw that "Drink Sensibly" advert earlier, the "You wouldn't start a night like this, so why end it that way" one. It features the guy pissing all on the toilet seat and his shoes. I don't know about the rest of you lads, but that's normal for me! | |
Joke by willlovescars, in Illness and mortality > Drinking - Tagged drink , tv , piss , shoes , urine - Current Score: 19 - Added: 3 months, 26 days ago
| Two guys were sitting outside a medical clinic. One of them was crying, tears were pouring down his face. The other man asked, "Why are you crying?" The first one replied, "I came here for blood test." The second one asked, "so? Why are you crying? Are you afraid?" The first guy replied, "no. Not that. During the blood test they cut my finger." Hearing this, the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other, "why are you crying?" Then the second guy replied, "I have come for my urine test." | |
Joke by Jewbag Hitler, in Illness and mortality > Blood - Tagged medical , clinic , tears , crying , test , urine - Current Score: 14 - Added: 3 months, 29 days ago
| Why did the condom fly across the room? Because it was pissed off. | |
Joke by RossMcG, in Sex and shit > Condom - Tagged condom , urine , piss , sex , penis - Current Score: 11 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A man and his girlfriend are lying down in bed after a fantastic session of sex and she turns to him and says, "So who's going to be having the damp side?" The man replied, "If I know what I'm like in bed, both sides are going to be damp very soon." She turns back giggling saying, "Is it because we're gonna have another session?" To which he says, "No, I still piss the bed in my sleep." | |
Joke by EnglishWhiteBoy, in Sex and shit > Wet Patch - Tagged wet dream , wet patch , piss the bed , urine , sex , man , woman , damp , damp side , bed , session , sleep , sleeping - Current Score: 9 - Added: 3 weeks ago
| Why does Paula Radcliffe always get to park in front of her own house? She leaves a yellow line in the road before she goes. | |
Joke by thedevilmademedoit, in Celebrity and news events > Paula Radcliffe - Tagged paula radcliffe , scatological , piss , parking , urine - Current Score: 5 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
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