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| I think my uncle was a ventriloquist, He used to put his hand up my bum and tell me not to talk. |    |
Joke by Haynz, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged ventriloquist , uncle , incest , paedophille - Current Score: 242 - Added: 2 months, 14 days ago
| An Australian ventriloquist visiting New Zealand walks into a small town and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun. Ventriloquist: "G'day bloke! Good looking dog, mate. Mind if I speak to him?" Kiwi: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie." Ventriloquist: "Hey dog, how's it going old mate?" Dog: "Doin' alright." The Kiwi gets a look of extreme shock on his face. Ventriloquist: "Is this Kiwi your owner?", pointing at the Kiwi. Dog: "Yep." Ventriloquist: "How does he treat you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play." The Kiwis expression of disbelief doesn't change. Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Kiwi: "Uh, the horse doesn't talk either...I think." Ventriloquist: "Hey horse, how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." The Kiwi gets even more shocked. Ventriloquist: "Is this your owner?" Horse: "Yep." Ventriloquist: "How's he treat you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements." Now the Kiwi has a look of total amazement on his face. Ventriloquist: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" To which the Kiwi replied, "The sheep's a liar." | |
Joke by immortalshadow666, in Religion and racism > Kiwis - Tagged kiwi , aussie , horse , sheep , dog , ventriloquist - Current Score: 190 - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago
| A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night whilst on stage, dummy on knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humour!" The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologise, when the blonde yells, "you stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!" | |
Joke by Guest, in Celebrity and news events > viagra - Tagged blonde , ventriloquist - Current Score: 94 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A Scotsman and a Jew went to a restaurant. After a hearty meal, the waitress came by with the bill. To the amazement of all, the Scotsman was heard to say, "I'll pay it!" and he actually did. The next morning's newspaper carried the news item: "JEWISH VENTRILOQUIST FOUND MURDERED IN ALLEY." | |
Joke by eatmeat, in Sex and shit > Adultery - Tagged scots , mean , ventriloquist - Current Score: 30 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| My Dad talks out of his arse a lot. He's not a bullshitter; just a really perverted ventriloquist. | |
Joke by offended?, in Jokes with no home > Ventriloquist - Tagged ventriloquist , dad , arse - Current Score: 21 - Added: 3 months, 15 days ago
| Harry is a top ventriloquist but gets arthritis and can't work his puppet anymore. After looking around for something else that he could make a living with, he decides to become a medium. So he sets up in his basement and soon gets his first customer, a widow. "Can you help me get in touch with my dead husband, Stanley?" she sniffs. "Sure I can," says Harry, "I can guarantee it." "And how much will it be?" "Oh, I'm very reasonable, you can have the £40 session or the £60 session." "What's the difference?" she said. "Well, for £40 you get to hear his voice and for £60 you get to hear his voice while I drink a glass of water." | |
Joke by appy2be, in Jokes with no home > ventriloquist - Tagged ventriloquist , medium - Current Score: 12 - Added: 8 months, 10 days ago
| I've always thought that Stephen Hawking should've been a ventriloquist.... After all, you never see his lips move do you? | |
Joke by bogiebum, in Celebrity and news events > Stephen Hawking - Tagged steven hawking , ventriloquist - Current Score: 0 - Added: 1 week ago
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