Bulimia Twice the taste Zero Calories

A guy is out on the lash with his mates and gets very pissed. By the time he staggers home he's covered in puke and to make things worse, his wife is waiting for him to give him a bollocking. The next week he's out again with his mates, but is avoiding the booze. One of his mates asks why, so he explains what happened when he got home after the last night out. His mate has a tried and trusted idea: "When it happens again, make sure you have 20 quid in your shirt pocket so you can tell your wife that someone else puked on you and put the money in there for the dry cleaning!", armed with this brilliant suggestion he proceeds to get completely pissed. Some hours later he falls through the front door, again, covered in puke. His wife freaks, he slurs "It wasn't me! A guy puked on me! He gave me 20 quid for the cleaning, check my pocket!". His wife looks in his shirt pocket and says "There's 40 quid here". The guy replies "Yeah, he Shit in my pants too"

Do you know what really makes me sick? Bulimia.

I used some of that quick drying wood stain the other day and, like they say, it did exactly what it said on the tin. It caused nausea and vomiting when ingested!

A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a toothpick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp leaves. A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes. There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too." "No, a straw," says the Tramp. The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick. To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already".

How many chavs does it take to screw in a light bulb? They don't screw in light bulbs, they screw in pools of their own vomit.

What is soft and warm when you go to bed but hard and stiff when you get up? Vomit

Had a collection for bulimics at work today ...we passed a bucket round. (you wouldn't believe how much we fetched up)

So John Prescott has admitted to suffering from Bulimia? A bit too late in my opinion - he should have brought it up at the time.

A man reaches his 40th birthday and is somewhat disappointed to still be a virgin and living with his elderly parents. Having just been paid he decides to venture down to the local brothel and lose his virginity to some nice young lady. Half an hour later he finds himself lying on a bed with a gorgeous brunette slowly stripping in front of him. Unable to contain himself he straight away goes for her hatchet wound, much like a thirsty dog lapping at a bowl of water on a hot summers day. Within seconds he finds something a bit distasteful within her, but being inexperienced for all he knows it could be normal so he continues. This happens for a while, until eventually he comes across a large piece of sweetcorn. He turns to the prostitute and says 'Excuse me miss, but are you sick?' She replies 'I'm not, but the last guy who was in here was'.

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