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| I keep getting it wrong with relationships. I try to move things on too fast. Only the other day over a candlelit dinner I blurted out, "Never mind the pudding, darling, let's sneak back to my place and fuck like there's no tomorrow." What I meant to say was, "Would Sir or Madam like anything from the sweet trolley?" |    |
Joke by marley, in Sex and shit > Chat Up - Tagged waiter - Current Score: 104 - Added: 4 months, 5 days ago
| A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was impressed. "Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?" The waiter replied, "Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out; he determined that 17.8% of our diners knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen." The diner ate his meal. As he was paying the waiter, he commented, "Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?" The waiter replied, "Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string to pull out my penis, go, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. Saves a lot of time." Wait a minute," said the diner, "how do you get your penis back in your pants?" "Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon." | |
Joke by pdf1, in Jokes with no home > Sick - Tagged waiter , spoon - Current Score: 53 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| i was in a restaurant last night and i called the waiter over, i said "theres a worm in my pie" , the waiter said " i think you'll find that its fat" , i said " its entitled to be , its eaten all the fucking meat!" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Jokes with no home > Food - Tagged restaurant , waiter , meat , pie , worm , fat - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A hotel porter is looking through the keyhole of the honeymoon suite. "Look at her, she's enjoying that," he whispered to a passing maid. She takes a peek. "Wow, I wish my boyfriend did that to me more," she whispered back. A waiter hears and comes to join in the fun. He has a quick look. "Incredible," he says, "and last night he had the nerve to complain about a hair in his soup..." | |
Joke by staffer, in Sex and shit > Honeymoon - Tagged hair , complain , waiter , maid , honeymoon , keyhole - Current Score: 30 - Added: 5 months, 4 days ago
| I went to a restaurant and ordered "soup of the day" for starters. The waiter brought the soup. Five minutes later, I called the waiter and said, "I can't eat this!" The waiter said, "Sir, our chef has cooked the same soup, to the same recipe for the last 12 years and nobody has ever complained until now, why can't you eat it?" I said, "because you didn't bring me a spoon, you daft twat!" | |
Joke by geebee, in Jokes with no home > Food - Tagged soup , restaurant , waiter - Current Score: 21 - Added: 1 month, 23 days ago
| A man goes into a restaurant and asks, "Waiter, how do you prepare the chicken?" "Its nothing special", he replies. "We just tell them straight out they're going to die!" | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Restaurant - Tagged waiter , chicken , die - Current Score: 17 - Added: 7 months, 4 days ago
| A customer is ordering food in an Indian restaurant. "Waiter, what's this Chicken Tarka?" The waiter replies, "it's the same as Chicken Tikka, but it's a little 'Otter." | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Food - Tagged curry , waiter , korma , indian - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year ago
| Tom, having just finished his meal at the local Chinese restaurant asked the waiter if he could speak to the chef. The chef arrived at his table and Tom said,"that chicken was fucking rubbery". The chef replied,"ah fank you vely much". | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Religion and racism > Chinese - Tagged chinese , resturaunt , waiter , chef , chicken , rubbery - Current Score: 13 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A man walks into a restaurant and notices Lobster Tails for a quid on the menu. He asks the waiter: "What's wrong with them?" Waiter says: "Nothing, freshly caught today." So the man orders some, The waiter returns with a book, sits down and says: "Once upon a time, there was a big red lobster..." | |
Joke by LemonZeppelin, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged lobster , seafood , restaurant , waiter - Current Score: 0 - Added: 10 months ago
| "Waiter! I ordered a rare steak and this is well done!" "Thank you, sir; we aim to please." | |
Joke by mickle, in Jokes with no home > Food - Tagged waiter , food , steak - Current Score: -1 - Added: 5 months, 9 days ago
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