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| If you're bored and want to find out something amusing. Go to www.imdb.com (internet movie database) and in the search criteria type in the word wanker. Quite fitting that this guys name comes up, the biggest wanker I can think of to be honest. |    |
Joke by Ravage monster, in Celebrity and news events > George Bush - Tagged wanker - Current Score: 391 - Added: 6 months, 8 days ago
| A Scouser inadvertently goes into a gay bar for a beer. He sits at the bar supping his pint when one gay gentleman decides to chance his luck. He approaches the scouser and whispers something into his ear, whereupon the Liverpudlian turns around in complete disgust and horror and proceeds to punch the living fuck out of the homosexual, fist after fist punching him out the door, kicking him across the pub car park, relentlessly punching and kicking until the victim lay comatose. The Scouser then dusted himself down and calmly returned to his pint at the bar, whilst the horrified staff and clientele stood silent and motionless. Eventually, the barman plucks up the courage to ask what had happened: Barman: "Bloody hell mate. What on earth did he whisper to you?" Scouser: "Dunno, something about a 'job'." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged scouser , homosexual , fight , gay , bar , wanker , liverpool , job , work , gay bar , punch , kick , punched , kicked - Current Score: 369 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| My girlfriend dumped me last week just after I broke my wrist. Right when I needed her the most! | |
Joke by albinobob123, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged dump , wife , girlfriend , dumped , broke , broken , wrist , wank , wanker - Current Score: 294 - Added: 3 months, 19 days ago
| There's going to be be a new ad campaign launched on TV encouraging motorists to slow down when driving. Apparently, this is how it will go: Hit me at 40mph, there's around an 80% chance I'll die. Hit me at 30mph, there's around an 80% chance I'll live. If I hadn't have been messing about in the fucking road I wouldn't have been run over at all. | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged think slow down 30mph tv ad campaign , your daughter dead , wanker - Current Score: 246 - Added: 6 months, 16 days ago
| Two builders go into the pub after a hard day's work. They're sat drinking for a while when a very smartly dressed man walks in and orders a drink. The two began to speculate about what the man did for a living. "I'll bet he's an accountant." said the first builder. "Looks more like a stockbroker to me." argued the second. They continued to debate the subject for a good while until eventually the first builder needed to use the toilet. On walking in, he saw the smartly dressed man standing at a urinal. "Excuse me mate, but me and my friend have been arguing over what a smartly dressed fella like you does for a living?" the builder said to the man. Smiling the man replied, "I'm a logical scientist." "A what?" asked the builder. "Let me explain" the man continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?" A bit puzzled, but intrigued the builder decided to play along, "Yes, I do as it happens." "Well then it's logical to assume that you either keep it in a bowl or a pond. Which is it?" "A pond" the builder replied. "Well then it's logical to assume that you have a large garden." The builder nodded his agreement. So the man continued, "which means it's logical to assume you have a large house." "I have a 6 bedroom house that I built myself." the builder said proudly. "Given that you have such a large house, it's logical to assume that you are married..." The builder nodded again, "Yes, I'm married and we have three children." "Then it's logical to assume that you have a healthy sex life." "Five nights a week!" the builder boasted. The man smiled a little, "Therefore it's logical to assume you don't masturbate often." "Never!" the builder exclaimed. "Well there you have it" the man explained, "That's logical science at work. From finding out that you have a goldfish, I've discovered the size of your garden, all about your house, your family and your sex life!" The builder left, very impressed by the man's talents. On returning to the bar the other builder asked, "I see that smart bloke was in there, did you find out what he does?" "Yeah," replied the first, "He's a logical scientist." "A what?" the puzzled second builder asked. "Let me explain" the first builder continued, "Do you have a goldfish at home?" "No" replied his mate. "Well, you're a wanker then!" | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged bar , builder , logical , scientist , wanker - Current Score: 163 - Added: 11 months ago
| Be proud to be British.We know exactly where every untaxed car is located among the millions of car owners in the UK, but we haven't got a fucking clue where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe Gordon Brown should put the fucking DVLA in charge of immigration. | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Religion and racism > Immigrant - Tagged proud , dvla , british , untaxed , immigrants , terrorists , gordan brown , wanker , cunt , twat , bastard - Current Score: 144 - Added: 11 months ago
| Some tips for 4x4 drivers. 1. Don't bother investing in a personal number plate; No-one gives a fuck what your name is. 2. Those little stalks that are next to the steering wheel are "indicators." Use them occasionally. 3. Putting a "Princess on Board" sticker isn't cool, especially if the princess in question is Diana. She must really smell by now. 4. "Parent and Child" spaces aren't really for you if your child is 19, even if she weighs as many stone. 5. When parking, try to park in what we call "parking spaces". 6. Be sure to put a "Greenpeace" or a "Save the Earth" sticker on your bumper. Other drivers will enjoy the irony, even if you don't. 7. When people make "wanker" signs at you, it's because you are a wanker. Learn to live with it. | |
Joke by antibagdave, in Jokes with no home > Cars - Tagged car , 4x4 , wankers , princess , diana , wanker , greenpeace , parent , child , parking - Current Score: 108 - Added: 3 months, 8 days ago
| All in all, 99000 people are making love right now, 22000 are kissing, 11000 are getting oral and one sad wanker is reading this..... You hang in there, friend! | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged 99000 , people , kissing , oral , wanker - Current Score: 56 - Added: 3 months ago
| What's the worst thing about being a test-tube baby? You know your Dad's a wanker! | |
Joke by corsa_red, in Sex and shit > Wanking - Tagged wanker , test , tube - Current Score: 46 - Added: 10 months ago
| A teacher is talking to her class the day before a very important A level exam. "Now, I want you all to have a good nights sleep to get ready for the test, is that understood?" "But Miss, what if I stay up all night and have rampant sex?" said a cocky student. "Then I would advise you to write your test with your other hand," replied the teacher. | |
Joke by doubletee, in Jokes with no home > Teacher - Tagged a-level , wanking , student , teacher , wanker , put-down - Current Score: 28 - Added: 4 months ago
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