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| Police have had to wait until today to remove the bodies from the burnt-out manor house in Maesbrook. A spokesperson said they had to wait until everything had cooled down. Too right - well, you wouldn't want a warm Fosters, would you? |    |
Joke by b10ke, in Celebrity and news events > Foster Family - Tagged foster , burnt , warm - Current Score: 67 - Added: 2 months ago
| Why do Essex girls wear knickers? To keep their ankles warm! | |
Joke by sick puppy, in Religion and racism > Essex - Tagged essex girls , knickers , ankles , warm - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A pub landlord is shutting up for the night when there is a knock at the door. When he answers, a Tramp asks him for a toothpick. He gives him the toothpick and the tramp leaves. A few minutes later there is a second knock. When he answers, there is a second Tramp who also asks for a toothpick. He gets his toothpick and off he goes. There is a third knock at the door, and a third Tramp. The landlord says, "Don't tell me, you want a toothpick too." "No, a straw," says the Tramp. The landlord gives him a straw but is curious as to why he wants it, so he asks the Tramp why he wants a straw and not a toothpick. To which the Tramp replies, "Some bloke just threw up outside but all the good stuff's gone already". | |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Illness and mortality > Tramps / homeless - Tagged sick , vomit , tramp , bum , tramps , bums , homeless , puke , hurl , toothpick , straw , meal , food , warm , eat , pub , bar , landlord - Current Score: 40 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| An Irish woman went into a furriers and said: "I need a nice coat to keep me warm." The salesperson said: "Certainly, Madam, what fur?" The Irish woman replied: "I just told you, to keep me fucking warm." | |
Joke by staffer, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged warm , irish , fur , furriers - Current Score: 31 - Added: 4 months, 22 days ago
| Give a man a fire and you keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire and you keep him warm for the rest of his life! | |
Joke by jeremyclockson, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged fire , give , warm - Current Score: 15 - Added: 11 months ago
| These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat. He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs. He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?" "Hell no!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!" The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton. A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat." And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half digested and looking like mush. The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talkin'! It's been months since I had a warm meal!" | |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Illness and mortality > Tramps / homeless - Tagged bum , tramps , sick , tramp , homeless , meal , food , cat , dead , puke , hurl , bile , warm , cold , smelly , rotten , alley - Current Score: 10 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Once upon a time there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him. The Moral Of The Story 1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy. 2) Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend. 3) And if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut. | |
Joke by Sicki-Sims, in Jokes with no home > Shit - Tagged sparrow , shit , cow , cowshit , bullshit , damn , warm , cat , eat , yum - Current Score: 0 - Added: 6 days ago
| What does a bull do to stay warm on a cold day? He slips into a nice warm Jersey. | |
Joke by coasterdude184, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged bull , warm , jersey , cold , day , animal , cow , ass , donkey - Current Score: -4 - Added: 1 month, 25 days ago
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