Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom? A pick pocket snatches watches |    |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Pervert - Tagged pick pocket , watch , snatch - Current Score: 107 - Added: 11 months ago
| While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch. "Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny. "Nope." replied Jimmy. "Well, did you get it for Christmas then?". Again Jimmy says "Nope." "You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny. "No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the other night when they were 'doing the nasty'. Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me. Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid stroke, turned and said angrily. "What do you want now?" "I wanna watch," Johnny replied. Without missing a stroke, his father said, "Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet." | |
Joke by GlennM, in Sex and shit > 2 Girls 1 Cup - Tagged little johnny , sex , watch - Current Score: 94 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?" "No", he replies, "I've just been given this state-of-the-art watch by Q and I was just testing it." The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?" "It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me", he explains. "What's it telling you now?" "Well, it says you're not wearing any knickers..." The woman giggles and replies, "Well it must be broken because I am wearing knickers!" Bond tut tuts, taps his watch and says, "Damn thing must be an hour fast." | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Celebrity and news events > james bond - Tagged 007 , watch , q , telepathy , knickers , bond , fast - Current Score: 71 - Added: 1 year ago
| I've just bought a baby p. watch. Its like a normal watch. But the hands, face and back are broken. | |
Joke by justincider, in Celebrity and news events > Baby P - Tagged watch , face , hands , back , broken - Current Score: 41 - Added: 6 days ago
| Johnny is at school and his class mate next to him is wearing a nice flash wristwatch. Johnny asks him where he got that from? Classmate replies "Well you know those moments when ya mum & dad want to have a lie down in the bedroom together?You just pester them and before they lock themselves away ask for something and say you'll leave them alone" Brilliant idea thinks Johnny. He comes home from school and hears noises from his parents bedroom. Johnny bursts into his mum and dads bedroom only to see his dad giving his mum one. He says to his Dad "I wanna watch, I wanna watch!" His dad replies "OK, if you wanna watch, don't say anything and just stand at the end of the bed!" | |
Joke by jazza l s, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , kids , sdults , watch - Current Score: 16 - Added: 6 months ago
| I went up to a manager in a department store and i said "I wanna buy a watch" "Analogue?" I said "No mate, just a watch" | |
Joke by mattypea, in Jokes with no home > One Liners - Tagged manager , watch , tim vine - Current Score: 6 - Added: 7 months ago
| "It's the quiet ones you have to watch" It's true...they won't tell anyone if they notice you watching them through binoculars | |
Joke by Duplicate, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged quiet , watch , binoculars - Current Score: 2 - Added: 1 week ago
| One night a little boy hears a noise from his parents room Concerned he goes to check what the noise was, so he gently opened the door to see his father on top of his mother. . . Trying to get the child out of the room as quick as possible the father shouts, "Son just close the door, get out, and I will give you anything you want. . .ANYTHING" The next day the boy goes into school and shows off his new watch to his friend . . and explained to him exactly how he got the watch . . . So later that night, the boy's friend waited until he could hear noises from his mother and fathers room, then he bust in. .. His father then said "What do you want?" to which the boy replies "I wanna watch" So the father says " Well sit down and shut up then!" | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Sick - Tagged sex , watch , bribes - Current Score: -2 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
JoeLS14 got buried to -7. Reveal Joke
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.07ms doing 11 queries and 0.08s processing. She's 1.96% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel