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| According to Oxfam 2 pounds a month can provide water for a village in Tanzania. So why do fucking Thames Water charge me 50 pounds a month for my 3 bed semi? |    |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Black - Tagged bills , oxfam , water - Current Score: 215 - Added: 8 months, 15 days ago
| The hedgehog made his way down to the riverbank and very slowly walked into the water. As it got deeper, he soldiered on, gasping for breath. Suddenly he disappeared under and was only just able to get back to the bank. After resting for 10 minutes, the hedgehog tried again, after going under twice more he managed to get back to dry land before collapsing. This time it took him longer to recover but once he felt fit enough he started back into the water. Two ducks were watching from the other side of the bank and one said to the other " Come on George, don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted?" | |
Joke by guest1, in Religion and racism > ? - Tagged hedgehog , . , water - Current Score: 177 - Added: 6 months, 30 days ago
| What's the fastest thing on land? Stevie Wonder's speedboat. | |
Joke by greenycrimson, in Illness and mortality > Blind deaf and dumb - Tagged blind , boat , speed , speedboat , land , sea , water , fast , fastest , stevie , wonder , stevie wonder - Current Score: 133 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| The English Channel is generally considered to be the most hazardous stretch of water in the world. Apart from the shallow end of Michael Barrymore's pool. | |
Joke by roandy, in Celebrity and news events > Michael Barrymore - Tagged pool , shallow end , water , fag , drown - Current Score: 130 - Added: 5 months, 13 days ago
| A man is stranded in the desert and has not eaten or drunk anything for nearly 36 hours. He is about to die. Amazingly, as he stumbles through the sand, he comes to three market stalls. The man (half-thinking he must be hallucinating) approaches the first stall and demands, "I need water, sell me some water." "Sorry, Sir," replies the stall owner, "I only sell custard." The man, visibly taken aback, goes up to the second stall and again asks for water. "I'm afraid I only sell sponge cake and cream," replies the second stall owner. The man turns in disbelief to the final stall and begs, "please, I need water now or I'll die." "Sorry Sir, I only sell hundreds and thousands," replies the final stall owner. His fatigue momentarily forgotten the man demands, "You mean to tell me that the three of you all own market stalls in the middle of the desert and none of you sell water?" "I know, Sir," says the first stall owner, "it's a trifle bazaar." | |
Joke by staffer, in Jokes with no home > Wordplay - Tagged water , trifle , bazaar , bizzare , cream , cake , custard - Current Score: 111 - Added: 1 day ago
| Two men are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her clit was just like a pickle." "What," the other asks. "Green?". "No," says the first. "A bit sour." | |
Joke by funkyfrog, in Sex and shit > Necrophilia - Tagged necrophilia , clit , morgue , death , water , men , green , taste , lick , sour , pickle , dead - Current Score: 103 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Angus, a Scottish farmer, was walking through his field and saw a man drinking from the stream. He shouts over, in Gaelic, "Hey, don't drink the water, friend, the sheep have got the runs!" The man turns round and says, "What did you say? I'm English, I don't speak your stupid language!" "Ach well!" shouts back the farmer. "I said 'Use both hands, you'll be able to drink more of my wonderfully fresh stream!.....Gle mhath, a shassanach." | |
Joke by FengShuiNinja, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged english , scottish , sheep , water , language , racism , fsn - Current Score: 85 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" | |
Joke by ht, in Religion and racism > Priest - Tagged miracle , god , water , wine , priest , irish , police , car , driving , drunk , drink - Current Score: 81 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| I was absolutely disgusted to learn about the lack of supplies we're sending to Burma, so far all we're sending is bottled water? Surely that's a bit of a joke what with 1/3 of the country flooded, perhaps some towels might be a better choice? | |
Joke by Kijamon, in Celebrity and news events > Burma - Tagged burma , towels , water , poor , cunts - Current Score: 73 - Added: 5 months ago
| Just in case you've had a rough day or you ARE having a rough day. Here is a quick 7-Step stress management technique recommended in the latest psychological texts. The funny thing is - this really works. Try this: 1. Picture yourself near a stream. 2. Birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air. 3. No one but you knows your secret place. 4. You are in total seclusion from the hectic place called "the world." 5. The soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade of serenity. 6. The water is crystal clear. 7. You can easily make out the face of the person you're holding under the water. See - You are smiling already. | |
Joke by zitface, in Illness and mortality > stress management - Tagged peace , quiet , stress , rough day , seclusion , water , stream , secret place - Current Score: 71 - Added: 4 weeks ago
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