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| I used to hate weddings. All the old dears would poke me and say, "you're next." They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals. |    |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged aunt , wedding , funeral , death - Current Score: 451 - Added: 1 year ago
| Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought for a moment, and then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?" | |
Joke by buzz-lightyear, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged marriage , wedding , groom , bride - Current Score: 172 - Added: 2 months ago
| Paddy takes his new wife home on his wedding night. She lies on the bed, spread-eagled, naked, and says, "Paddy....you know what I want....." "Yeah....the whole fucking bed by the looks of it!" | |
Joke by garrygwizz, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged paddy , sex , irish , wedding - Current Score: 133 - Added: 2 months ago
| "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure." The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white." | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged wedding , son , father , mother , sexist - Current Score: 129 - Added: 9 months ago
| Why is marriage like a three-ring circus? First comes the engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring an finally comes the suffering. | |
Joke by Badvirus, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged marriage , circus , engagement , wedding , suffering - Current Score: 107 - Added: 11 months ago
| At Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin's wedding last week, I'm told all guests were searched for mobile phones and cameras. Nothing to do with them selling the pictures to the magazines, just what Scousers do. | |
Joke by jay-cee, in Celebrity and news events > Wayne Rooney - Tagged rooney , mcloughlin , wedding , scousers , fart - Current Score: 105 - Added: 1 month ago
| I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards. I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle , jump in the car and fuck off. | |
Joke by blakes, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged wedding , marriage , church , ring , weddings , wedding video - Current Score: 104 - Added: 1 month ago
| A woman in a jewellers breaks wind bending over to look at a beautiful diamond ring. She looks round, embarrassed, and sees the salesman standing right behind her. Totally professional, he says "good day madam, how may I help you?" Hoping he maybe hadn't heard her 'accident', she asks "sir, what's the price of this lovely ring?" He answers, "madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit yourself when I tell you the price!" | |
Joke by AS, in Sex and shit > Women - Tagged woman , wedding , ring , as - Current Score: 76 - Added: 2 months ago
| A young bride and groom-to-be had just selected their wedding rings. As the young lady admired the plain platinum and diamond band she had chosen for herself, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the rather elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "one of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to soak it in dishwater." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > Marriage - Tagged marriage , wedding , ring , dishwater - Current Score: 56 - Added: 1 month ago
| After a pikey wedding caused a mass riot recently, the best man ended up in court. In front of the judge he was trying to explain the traditions of a 'romany' wedding: Pikey Best Man: "Well it was like this your honor, as it is a custom for the best man to have the first dance with the bride, which I was, nice and close like, the groom comes over and kicks the bride in the cunt as hard as he could." Judge: "Gosh, that must have hurt." Pikey Best Man "Hurt? - you're not kidding me, he broke three of me fucking fingers." | |
Joke by spazzy, in Religion and racism > Pikeys - Tagged pikey , wedding , cunt - Current Score: 48 - Added: 1 year ago
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