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| I used to hate weddings. All the old dears would poke me and say, "you're next." They soon stopped when I started saying the same to them at funerals. |    |
Joke by Mrwolf, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged aunt , wedding , funeral , death - Current Score: 552 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the colour of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought for a moment, and then said, "So why's the groom wearing black?" | |
Joke by buzz-lightyear, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged marriage , wedding , groom , bride - Current Score: 191 - Added: 6 months ago
| Paddy takes his new wife home on his wedding night. She lies on the bed, spread-eagled, naked, and says, "Paddy....you know what I want....." "Yeah....the whole fucking bed by the looks of it!" | |
Joke by garrygwizz, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged paddy , sex , irish , wedding - Current Score: 166 - Added: 6 months ago
| "Mum, why are wedding dresses white?" The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure." The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father. "Dad why are wedding dresses white?" The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white." | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged wedding , son , father , mother , sexist - Current Score: 147 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Rock, paper, scissors:- To most of us it's a game, but to Zimbabweans it's a wedding list. | |
Joke by munkybars, in Celebrity and news events > Zimbabwe - Tagged rock , paper , scissors , wedding , zimbabweans , angus deayton - Current Score: 128 - Added: 3 months ago
| At Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin's wedding last week, I'm told all guests were searched for mobile phones and cameras. Nothing to do with them selling the pictures to the magazines, just what Scousers do. | |
Joke by jay-cee, in Celebrity and news events > Wayne Rooney - Tagged rooney , mcloughlin , wedding , scousers , fart - Current Score: 119 - Added: 5 months ago
| Why is marriage like a three-ring circus? First comes the engagement ring, then comes the wedding ring and finally comes the suffering. | |
Joke by Badvirus, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged marriage , circus , engagement , wedding , suffering - Current Score: 119 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards. I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle , jump in the car and fuck off. | |
Joke by blakes, in Sex and shit > Marriage - Tagged wedding , marriage , church , ring , weddings , wedding video - Current Score: 118 - Added: 5 months ago
| After a pikey wedding caused a mass riot recently, the best man ended up in court. In front of the judge, he was trying to explain the traditions of a 'romany' wedding: Pikey Best Man: "Well, it was like this, your honour: as it is a custom for the best man to have the first dance with the bride, which I was, nice and close like, the groom comes over and kicks the bride in the cunt as hard as he could." Judge: "Gosh, that must have hurt." Pikey Best Man: "Hurt? You're not kidding me - he broke three of me fucking fingers." | |
Joke by spazzy, in Religion and racism > Pikeys - Tagged pikey , wedding , cunt - Current Score: 75 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| 3 friends were getting married in the same hotel on the same day, and at the end of the night, they met up to discuss the day's events over a couple of beers. One asks the other two: "Listen, it's our wedding night and I was wondering -- how many times are we expected to... um... you know... do it?" Eventually, they decide to retire to their respective wives and plan to meet up the following morning over breakfast to discuss what went on. Suddenly, one of the grooms pipes up, "Hold on lads, we can't discuss our first night's marital goings on over the breakfast table with our new wives sitting with us." "You're right. What we'll do then, is make every piece of toast we order with our breakfast represent the amount of times we did it," offers another groom. They all decide that it's an excellent idea and depart. The next day in the hotel dining room, the grooms are all looking a bit dishevelled, but that's nothing compared to the brides, who can barely stagger across the room. The first groom places his order with the waitress: "Hello, I'll have the full English breakfast with three pieces of toast please." The other two grooms smile at him and raise a glass of fresh orange juice in a toast to his fantastic prowess. The waitress moves to the second couple and the groom orders, "I too shall have the full English breakfast, but could I have four pieces of toast?" The waitress gets to the last groom. "I shall also have the full English breakfast please, yet I shall have..." he takes a deep breath, "seven, yes, seven pieces of toast," he calls for everyone's benefit, while flashing a big grin to his two wedding mates, who stare at him in disbelief. She writes down his order and turns away, but before she can leave, the groom calls after her again and says, "And by the way, can you make two of those brown?" | |
Joke by Guest, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged wedding , groom , sex , anal , bride - Current Score: 59 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
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