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| After queueing up for almost half an hour in the chemist last week, I finally got to the counter and the woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait." In a rattled state, I replied, "you're not so fucking skinny yourself, actually." |    |
Joke by mayfield4, in Sex and shit > Fat - Tagged chemist , fat , weight , skinny - Current Score: 138 - Added: 4 months ago
| I went out on the piss last night and pulled a georgeous bird. We made love several times before falling asleep in each others arms. When I woke up though I had the shock of my life. She had put on 5 stone during the night. | |
Joke by justincider, in Sex and shit > Fat - Tagged piss , pulled , bird , georgeous , sex , made love , weight - Current Score: 58 - Added: 3 months ago
| A man is standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in his stomach. "That's not going to help,"says his wife "Yes,it will,"replies the man."It's the only way i can see the fucking numbers!!" | |
Joke by cooperman, in Jokes with no home > Fat People - Tagged weight , scales , fat - Current Score: 51 - Added: 11 months ago
| An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds." When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 POUNDS! "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?" The Irishman nodded..."I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day." "From the hunger, you mean?" "No, from the *#@##@ skippin", the Irishman said. | |
Joke by Steve Maurice, in Religion and racism > Irish - Tagged irish , racist , weight - Current Score: 44 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| If your woman puts on weight over the christmas period suggest some exercise.Get her to walk 3 miles in the morning and 3 miles in the evening. In a week the fat bitch should be 42 miles away!!! | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Jokes with no home > Advice - Tagged woman , weight , christmas , exercise , fat , bitch - Current Score: 39 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| The wife asked ask me if I would still love her, "if I put on weight and lost my looks." I asked, "how do you mean, 'if'?" | |
Joke by nevergreen, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , weight , looks - Current Score: 34 - Added: 3 months, 21 days ago
| My aunt reckoned smoking helped her lose weight. She was right, it did: one lung at a time. | |
Joke by justincider, in Illness and mortality > Smoking - Tagged aunt , weight , lung , cancer - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 month, 21 days ago
| Scientists have discovered that the average tit weighs 1.5kg, but they cannot work out the average weight of a cunt. So if you could pop on the scales and ring me back. | |
Joke by Rexton, in Sex and shit > General - Tagged insult , tit , boob , breast , tits , boobs , breats , weight , average , cunt , weigh , call , ring , scientist , scientists - Current Score: 17 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Have you ever tried to do a rep on the sit-up machine in the gym on the heaviest weight? Christ! Had a go the other day - now I know how an American feels trying to get up off the settee. | |
Joke by fox in the box, in Religion and racism > Americans - Tagged situps , heaviest , weight , americans , americunts , fat cunts , lazy fuckers - Current Score: 13 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| I just read that the southern short-tailed shrew eats its own weight in food every day. What amazes me is, how the fuck does a southern short-tailed shrew know how much it weighs? | |
Joke by geebee, in Jokes with no home > Food - Tagged shrew , food , weight - Current Score: 9 - Added: 1 month, 21 days ago
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