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| A man was walking along the beach one day, when he happened to pass by a very lovely young woman that didnt have any arms or legs, gently sobbing to herself... 'Why the tears?' he asked. She says, 'I'm 18 years old and i've never been kissed.' The man pauses for a moment, then smiles and gives her a soft kiss on the head. She laughs a little and puckers up so he gives her a big kiss on the lips. They pause for an unsure moment and then shes says 'You know... i'm 18 years old... and i've never been fucked!' The man stands up starts smiling and grabs the young woman by the hair and tosses her into the sea. She starts screaming and bobbing up and down, then the man shouts; 'WELL YOU'RE FUCKED NOW DARLING!' |    |
Joke by sickfuck, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged wheelchair , sex , virgin , disabled - Current Score: 609 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, "You'll not be drinking any more tonight Paddy." Paddy replies, "Ok Mick, I'll be on my way then." Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shit" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, "Shit!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine.He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk and falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm fockin' focked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door, hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No fockin' way", but he crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "I can make it to the bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "Fock it" and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?". Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you know?" "Mick phoned... You left your wheelchair at the pub!" | |
Joke by Hercules Poirot, in Jokes with no home > Pub - Tagged pub , drunk , wheelchair - Current Score: 563 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| My friend is in a wheelchair, so I gave him a chainsaw, wrapped him in tinfoil and sent him on Robot Wars. But seriously - he's dead now. | |
Joke by GangRape, in Celebrity and news events > Stephen Hawking - Tagged wheelchair , disabled , disability , robot wars - Current Score: 420 - Added: 1 month, 16 days ago
| What do you call an epileptic person in a wheelchair? A Transformer! | |
Joke by Guest, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged epilepsy , wheelchair , transformer - Current Score: 242 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I was waiting for a bus and next to me was a woman, with her son, who was in a wheelchair. I asked the woman, "How old is your son?" The woman replied, "He's ten years old." So then I said, "Shouldn't he be walking by now?" | |
Joke by mickle, in Illness and mortality > Disability - Tagged bus , wheelchair , ricky gervais - Current Score: 139 - Added: 1 month, 14 days ago
| I saw the Paralympic schedule on the Beijing 2008 website and was surprised to see that the Equestrian was a Paralympic event... How do they get the wheelchair on the horse? | |
Joke by rs79, in Celebrity and news events > Paralympics - Tagged paralympics , wheelchair , horse - Current Score: 91 - Added: 2 weeks ago
| A little old lady goes into a sex shop, shaking like she has Parkinson's walks up to the counter and says to the assistant, "Young maaaan, have you got a viiiibraaaatoor?" He's a bit taken aback and not sure if her heard her correctly because of her shaky voice, but he picks out a modest-sized model and places it on the counter. "Nooooo, nooooo, bigger than thaaat" So he brings her the next size up. "Noooooo, noooo, bigger than thaaaat" This happens a few times until finally he places the biggest vibrator in the entire shop on the counter. It's eighteen inches long with a girth that would make even Jenna Jameson's eyes water. "Yeeeees, yeeeees, thaaaat's the one. Hoooow do you tuuuurn it off?" | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Vibrator - Tagged old lady , parkinsons , wheelchair , black , vibrator , dildo - Current Score: 75 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| We bought my brother a new wheelchair yesterday. He isn't disabled - it just gets us better seats at football matches. | |
Joke by ScaramangaLull, in Illness and mortality > Wheelchair - Tagged wheelchair , football - Current Score: 66 - Added: 5 months ago
| There is an old lady in a nursing home whizzing up and down the corridor in her wheel chair when an ex-traffic policeman jumps out and stops her. "You do realize you were speeding just then? Could I have your driving license?" he says. She hands over her library card, he checks it and hands it back with a speeding ticket and lets her get on her way. An hour or two later the same old lady is doing the same laps when the ex-cop once again stops her. "That U-turn did just then was illegal, can I see your license please." Once again she hands over her library card he checks it and sends her on her way. Several minutes pass and she comes zooming down the corridor weaving all over the place. The cop jumps out his room stark bollock naked nursing a massive erection. "FUCK, not the breathalyser again!" utters the old lady. | |
Joke by JMe, in Illness and mortality > Old people - Tagged blow job , old people , traffic , police , wheelchair , erection - Current Score: 63 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital, just before his operation. A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right." "She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?" "She was talking to the doctor!" | |
Joke by The Wolf, in Illness and mortality > Doctor - Tagged doctor , wheelchair , nurse - Current Score: 60 - Added: 5 months, 26 days ago
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