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| Three blokes, Steve, Dave and Bruce, are working on a high rise .... one of them (Steve) falls to his death. The other two have to decide who will break the news to his missus. Dave decides he'll do it as he's pretty good at that caring sentimental stuff and off he trots. Three hours later he's back with a crate of Stella under his arm. "Where'd you get that mate?" asks Bruce. "Steve's missus gave me it." "So you told her her husbands dead, and she gave you a crate of Stella?" "Well, not exactly. When she opened the door I said, 'hi you must be Steve's widow.' She replied that she wasn't a widow and I said, 'I bet you a crate of Stella you fucking are.'" |    |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged widow , stella , death - Current Score: 138 - Added: 1 year ago
| What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? ........ A Widow | |
Joke by ronie, in Illness and mortality > Death - Tagged widow , husband - Current Score: 115 - Added: 5 months, 22 days ago
| Peter decided to go skiing with his best mate, Bob. They loaded up Peter's 4x4 and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm house and asked the attractive lady of the house if they could spend the night. "I'm recently widowed," she explained, "and I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Not to worry," Peter said, "we'll be happy to sleep in the barn." Nine months later, Peter got a letter from the widow's solicitor. He then went up to visit his friend Bob and said, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow at the farm we stayed at?" "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and have sex with her?" "Yes, I have to admit that I did." "Did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, I'm afraid I did." "Well, thanks! She just died and left me everything!" | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Fuck - Tagged ski , widow , sex , dead , will - Current Score: 93 - Added: 5 months ago
| A lady's husband died, and at the funeral home, she had one request. "He was a banker, and he always wore black suits." She told the mortician. "I begged him to buy a blue suit, but he never did. Now, I want him to be buried in one. Please, sir, would you find a nice blue suit for him, please? Price is no object." The mortician agreed and when the lady returned for the viewing, her husband was laid out in a beautiful blue suit. The woman wept and thanked the man for the extra trouble. "It was no trouble at all." He replied. "Oh, don't be ridiculous!" the woman protested, "Please, just add it to my bill." "There's no charge, ma'am." the mortician said. "What do you mean?" asked the woman. "Well," the mortician said, "The same day your husband died and was brought in in his black suit, another man died and was brought in wearing a blue suit. As coincidence would have it, the other woman wanted her husband buried in a black suit." "That's amazing!" said the woman. "Yes!" Replied the mortician, "All I had to do was saw off the heads and switch them around." | |
Joke by yank, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged blue suit , black suit , widow , funeral , mortician - Current Score: 93 - Added: 11 months ago
| One of the things I really miss about my wife is the smell of her cooking. I have to admit though, she did taste rather nice along with the roast veg. | |
Joke by Spikerama, in Illness and mortality > Divorce - Tagged wife , widower , widow , death , cooking , sick , food , chef - Current Score: 67 - Added: 1 month ago
| A redneck died and left his entire estate to his widow. Trouble is, she can't touch it 'til she turns 14. | |
Joke by captain slow, in Religion and racism > Rednecks - Tagged redneck , wife , widow , 14 , incest - Current Score: 62 - Added: 9 months ago
| Michelle Williams has been offered the position of England Cricket coach. The ECC believed that her experience of fucking Australians and bringing home the ashes would be a great asset | |
Joke by Monkeyman, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged heath ledger , michelle williams , widow , cricket , aussies , australians - Current Score: 48 - Added: 9 months, 29 days ago
| When Dan found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So, one evening he went to a singles bar where he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said as he walked up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." Impressed, the woman went home with him that evening and, three days later, she became his stepmother. | |
Joke by templett, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged rich , death , father , fortune , widow - Current Score: 45 - Added: 1 year ago
| Overheard at a funeral. Woman: "They'd only been married for 4 months when he died!" Man: "At least he didn't suffer for too long then!" | |
Joke by geebee, in Jokes with no home > Marriage - Tagged widow , suffering , funeral - Current Score: 18 - Added: 3 months, 29 days ago
| Since my wife died, I no longer want to get out of bed in the morning. Somebody has to keep her warm! | |
Joke by Doktor Rottenkrotch, in Illness and mortality > Dead - Tagged necrophilia , corpse , widow , sleep - Current Score: 2 - Added: 2 months ago
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