Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Page 1 of 50 - Next Page
| My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood. We discovered that when I am in a good mood it turns green and when I am in a bad mood it leaves a big fucking red mark on her forehead. |    |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Sex and shit > Domestic Violence - Tagged mood , swings , wife , beat , ring , abuse - Current Score: 3273 - Added: 10 months ago
| A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them and they took off for her house, where they made passionate love all afternoon. Exhausted from the wild sex, they fell asleep, awakening around eight PM. As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Mystified, she nonetheless complied. He slipped into his shoes and drove home. "Where have you been!" demanded his wife when he entered the house. "Darling, I can't lie to you. I've been having an affair with my secretary and we've been having sex all afternoon. I fell asleep and didn't wake up until eight o'clock." The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!" | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged sex , wife , fuck , golf - Current Score: 1034 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A dog is truly a man's best friend. If you don't believe it, just try this experiment. Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour. When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you? | |
Joke by andino, in Jokes with no home > Dog - Tagged dog , wife , sexist , mans , best , friend - Current Score: 1013 - Added: 5 months, 24 days ago
| A man came home from work, sat down in his favourite chair, turned on the TV, and said to his wife, "quick, bring me a beer before it starts." She looked a little puzzled, but brought him a beer. When he finished it, he said, "quick, bring me another beer. It's gonna start." This time she looked a little angry, but brought him a beer. When it was gone, he said, "quick, another beer, it's gonna start any second." "That's it!" She blows her top. "You bastard! You waltz in here, flop your fat ass down, don't even say hello to me and then expect me to run around like your slave. Don't you realize that I cook and clean and wash and iron all day long?" The husband sighed. "Oh shit, it's started." | |
Joke by ht, in Sex and shit > Wife - Tagged wife , beer , tv - Current Score: 1009 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| How do you know if you have a high sperm count? When your wife has to chew before she swallows. | |
Joke by pornstar, in Sex and shit > Sick - Tagged sperm , chew , wife - Current Score: 972 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| A man walked into a pub, went to the bar and ordered a beer. 'Certainly, Sir, that'll be 10 pence.' 'Ten pence?' the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: 'How much for a nice juicy steak And a bottle of wine?' 'A pound,' the barman replied. 'A pound?' exclaimed the man. 'Where's the guy who owns this place?' The bartender replied: 'Upstairs, with my wife.' The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs with your wife?' The bartender replied: 'The same thing I'm doing to his business down here.' | |
Joke by bobbydgg, in Jokes with no home > Bar Jokes - Tagged fuck , cheap , wife - Current Score: 684 - Added: 7 months, 9 days ago
| A man says to his wife, "tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time." His wife replies, "you've got a bigger dick than your brother." | |
Joke by kitkat456, in Jokes with no home > families - Tagged dick , family , wife , husband - Current Score: 442 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| My wife is forever saying I don't pay her any attention. So yesterday I was expecting brownie points when I said, "Have you had your hair done dear? You look different." She went ballistic. I won't forget she's having chemotherapy again in a hurry. | |
Joke by itchyanus, in Illness and mortality > Cancer - Tagged chemotherapy , cancer , bald , wife - Current Score: 431 - Added: 1 month, 18 days ago
| This prisoner escapes after 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and food, and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair and he ties the wife to the bed, and gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He's probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain and do what he tells you, no matter how much he ravages you. This guy is probably really dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which the wife responds, "he wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, and thought you were cute. He asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom, so I told him where to find it. Be strong, darling. I love you, too." | |
Joke by sickfuck, in Sex and shit > Gay - Tagged husband , wife , vaseline , prisoner , gay , rape - Current Score: 371 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and said, "I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" The woman looked puzzled. "Why talk to me?" she asked. "Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere." | |
Joke by niggers out, in Sex and shit > Tits - Tagged tits , wife , supermarket , woman , mine , talk , sex - Current Score: 295 - Added: 5 months, 29 days ago
Page 1 of 50 - Next Page
Server: Custurd in 0.4s using 12 queries. She's 0.73% angry.
Sickipedia v2.1 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel