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| Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr.Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could. |    |
Joke by Ciabi, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged bear , rabbit , wish , gay , wishes , frog , gold , female , sex , bears , motor , bike , motorbike , motorcycle , cycle - Current Score: 380 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| Three guys: a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and a British engineer are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and when they pick it up a Genie pops out. "I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total," says the Genie. The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land in Canada to be forever fertile." POOOOF! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama bin Laden was amazed at this display, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall to be set up around Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad inside and all Jews, Americans, British and other infidels forever outside our precious state." POOOOF! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, a huge wall appeared around those countries. The British engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5,000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries... it's virtually impenetrable. Now what is YOUR wish?" The British engineer smiles and says, "fill it with water." | |
Joke by Guest, in Religion and racism > Iraq - Tagged osama bin laden , genie , engineer , farmer , wish - Current Score: 113 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Please Lord build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over any time I want." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honour and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy." The Lord said, "You want two lanes or four lanes on that bridge?" | |
Joke by mickle, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged lord , bridge , wish , women , god - Current Score: 79 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet their maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says, "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his rear off. Finally, God reaches this guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy calms down and says: "Make them all ugly again." | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Jokes with no home > Ugly - Tagged god , ugly , wish , died , gorgeous - Current Score: 77 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A ginger man finds a magic lamp and when he rubs it a genie pops out. "Ah, hell," says the genie, "What do you want?" The ginger says "I want a huge mansion with a thousand rooms and a hundred floors, all made of pure gold" the genie looks at him and says "don't be an idiot, do you have any idea how much gold that would take? that's impossible. pick something else." so the ginger says "I want everyone to stop taking the piss out of my hair colour" the genie says "so this mansion, you want en suite bathrooms?" | |
Joke by schlong69, in Religion and racism > Ginger - Tagged genie , ginger , wish - Current Score: 38 - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago
| Two guys were in a locker room taking a shower after a game of squash when one noticed that the other had a huge cork stuck in his ass. "That looks really uncomfortable. Why don't you take it out?" "I can't. It's stuck there permanently." "How in the hell did it happen?" "Well, I was walking along the beach, and I tripped over an oil lamp. There was a puff of smoke, and a genie appeared and said he could grant me a wish. Unfortunately my immediate reaction was, "No shit!" | |
Joke by McLOVIN, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged genie , wish , shit , cork - Current Score: 7 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman and Welshman have all been captured in Iraq and told that they are going to be executed. But before they are killed they have all been granted one wish, but they are not allowed to wish against their punishment. The Welshman says, "I am a proud Welshman, so I wish for a thousand Welshmen to sing my national anthem just before I'm killed." The Scotsman says, "I am a proud Scotsman, so I wish for a thousand Scotsmen to sing my national anthem just before I'm killed." The Irishman says, "I am a proud Irishman, so I wish for a thousand Irishmen to sing my national anthem just before I'm killed." The Englishman says, "kill me first!" | |
Joke by db88, in Jokes with no home > Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman - Tagged anthem , english , irish , welsh , scottish , englishman , irishman , scotsman , welshman , britain , iraq , execute , wish - Current Score: 0 - Added: 6 months ago
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