Sorted by: Highest Scoring | Lowest Scoring | Newest | Oldest
Showing all jokes.
| Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit didn't like each other very much. One day, while walking through the woods, they came across a golden frog. They were amazed when the frog talked to them. The golden frog admitted that he didn't often meet anyone, but, when he did, he always gave them six wishes. He told them that they could have 3 wishes each. Mr. Bear immediately wished that all the other bears in the forest were females. The frog granted his wish. Mr. Rabbit, after thinking for a while, wished for a crash helmet. One appeared immediately, and he placed it on his head. Mr. Bear was amazed at Mr. Rabbit's wish, but carried on with his second wish. He wished that all the bears in the neighboring forests were females as well, and the frog granted his wish. Mr.Rabbit then wished for a motorcycle. It appeared before him, and he climbed on board and started revving the engine. Mr. Bear could not believe it and complained that Mr. Rabbit had wasted two wishes that he could have had for himself. Shaking his head, Mr. Bear made his final wish, that all the other bears in the world were females as well, leaving him as the only male bear in the world. The frog replied that it had been done, and they both turned to Mr. Rabbit for his last wish. Mr. Rabbit revved the engine, thought for a second, then said, "I wish that Mr. Bear was gay!" and rode off as fast as he could. |    |
Joke by Ciabi, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged bear , rabbit , wish , gay , wishes , frog , gold , female , sex , bears , motor , bike , motorbike , motorcycle , cycle - Current Score: 380 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| A man went to the doctor after feeling ill. The doctor said, "You know, you should have come to see me sooner. Unfortunately you have waited too long and you are going to die this evening." The man was distraught and wonders how he to tell his wife. Well, he told her and she took it pretty well. "This is going to be a night that you will always remember," "I am going to treat you like a king." she replied. She prepared a scrumptious gourmet dinner with wine, candles-the works. After dinner she slipped away and returned in the most incredible negligee the man had ever seen. She lead him into their bedroom. They made the most passionate love they have ever made. The man was beside himself. Once done, the wife rolls over to go to sleep knowing she kept her promise. Well, the husband is wide-awake watching the clock...... He knows that he is doomed. He taps her..."Sweetheart?" he whispers. She rolls over and again proceeds to make love. Again when they were done she rolls over and he taps her. She is getting cranky, but under the circumstances she grants her husband's dying wishes. Finally the wife rolls over and begins to snore. Well, the man decides to tap her again. "Love?" he whispers. She rolls over and yells, "Oh it's alright for some of us isn't it!! You don't have to get up in the morning!" | |
Joke by Desired Username, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged sex , dying , wishes - Current Score: 118 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| A man has spent many days crossing the desert without water. His camel dies of thirst. He's crawling through the sands, certain that he has breathed his last, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. He opens it and out pops a genie.... But this is no ordinary genie. He is wearing an Inland Revenue ID badge and dull grey suit. There's a calculator in his pocket. He has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "Well, kid," says the genie, "you know how it works. You have three wishes." "I'm not falling for this," says the man, "I'm not going to trust a person from the Inland Revenue." "What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!" The man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "Okay, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plentiful food and drink." ***POOF*** The man finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen, and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies. "Okay, kid, what's your second wish?" "My second wish is that I were rich beyond my wildest dreams." ***POOF*** The man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. "Okay, kid, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!" After thinking for a few minutes, the man says, "I wish that, no matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me." ***POOF*** He is turned into a tampon. The moral of the story? If the Revenue offers you anything, there's bound to be a string attached! | |
Joke by niggers out, in Illness and mortality > A Man Was...... - Tagged genie , wishes , camel , taxman - Current Score: 48 - Added: 9 months ago
| A man is casually strolling through an Asian desert when he discovers a black lamp. For the hell of it, he rubs the lamp, and to his surprise an evil-looking genie pops out. "Hello master," says the genie. "I can now grant you three evil wishes." "Wow," the man says. "What's the catch?" "Your first wish must be for revenge," says the evil genie. "OK, Jade Goody has annoyed me countless times on the TV," says the man. "I wish she gets cancer. That'll teach her." "It is done," the genie obeys. "Your second wish must give comeuppance in an evil manner." "Fine. Kerry Katona has far too much money, and she's a fucking awful mother. I wish she becomes bankrupt." "It is done," grants the genie. "Your third and final wish must frustrate millions." "I wish to get a plane back to the UK." "It is done, Mr. Glitter." | |
Joke by Roll Fizzlebeef, in Celebrity and news events > Gary Glitter - Tagged jade goody , kerry katona , bankrupt , cancer , genie , wishes , three , evil , gary , glitter , paedo , paedophille - Current Score: 25 - Added: 2 months, 29 days ago
| A nigger was walking along when he found an old lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and told the surprised coon that he had three wishes. The nigger thought for a while and after about a minute he said, "I want to be white, rock hard and get plenty of arse!" So the genie turned him into a toilet! | |
Joke by the phantom phucker, in Religion and racism > Pakistani - Tagged nigger , lamp , coon , genie , wishes , white , hard , arse , toilet - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 year ago
| A girl was granted two wishes. First she asked for bigger tits: they grew to 38DD. Then she asked for a really tight cunt. She'll probably ring you later. | |
Joke by sw3llh34d, in Sex and shit > camping - Tagged tits , wishes - Current Score: 20 - Added: 1 year ago
| This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says: 'I'll have a pint of lager, please.' And the barman says: 'Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange.' And the boy goes: 'Yeah, had that for a while now.' So the barman says: 'How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?' And the boy says: 'I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared. He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said: 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waves his genie hands and suddenly there's women looking at me. Then the genie says: 'What will your second wish be?' I said: 'I'd like a wallet with £1 million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.' And the genie says: 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?' So I said: 'For my third wish , and I regret saying this now , I'd like half my head to be a big orange.' | |
Joke by monkeyman, in Jokes with no home > Genie - Tagged genie , wishes , orange , money - Current Score: 14 - Added: 7 months ago
Showing all jokes.
Custurd spent 0.22ms doing 9 queries and 0.09s processing. She's 4.91% angry.
Sickipedia v2.7 - a cr3ative media® project. © '05-09 Rob Manuel