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| A paedophile and a small child are walking through the woods. It's a foul night; lightning spearing the sky and thunder is crashing. The child looks up at the paedo and says, "I'm scared". The paedophile says, "What the fuck are you moaning for? I've got to walk back on my own!" |    |
Joke by caliban, in Sex and shit > Paedophile - Tagged paedophilia , paedophile , paedo , child , boy , woods , forest , lightening , storm , scared , thunder - Current Score: 292 - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago
| One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit turds. One of the boys said, "What is that?" "They're smart pills," said the other boy. "Eat them and they'll make you smarter." So he ate them and said, "these taste like shit." "See," said the other boy, "you're getting smarter already." | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Boys - Tagged turds , shit , woods , pills , eat - Current Score: 70 - Added: 1 year ago
| A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age." The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy." "Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" "Tiger Woods." "Tiger Woods, the golfer?" "Yeah." "Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him." The husband and wife then make passionate love. When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone. "What are you doing?" asks the wife. The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it a second time." The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time. When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks. The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat." "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?" "He'd come back to bed and do it again." The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time. When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial. The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?" "No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole." | |
Joke by radiocaf, in Sex and shit > Golf - Tagged tiger , woods , par , golf - Current Score: 65 - Added: 11 months ago
| Colin and Johnny McRae, together with a couple of sleeping bags and a tent are about to leave their house. Colin shouts up to his wife whose still in bed "Don't wait up for us, we're gonna crash in the woods tonight!" | |
Joke by Gobshite, in Celebrity and news events > Colin McRae - Tagged colin mcrae , woods , johnny - Current Score: 33 - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago
| Just saw in the news today a Catholic priest has been sentenced to jail for sexually abusing children. In other news CNN has obtained footage of a bear shitting in the woods. | |
Joke by Peter_G, in Celebrity and news events > Priest - Tagged pedophile , bear shitting , woods , cnn , bbc - Current Score: 23 - Added: 1 month ago
| A bear wakes up and, like all animals do when they wake up, he goes behind a bush to take a shit. While he's back there, he spots a rabbit nearby doing the same thing. It's a little quiet, so he decides to strike up a conversation. "Hey," the bear says, "do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" "Nope," replies the rabbit. So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with it. | |
Joke by Hercules Poirot, in Sex and shit > Shit - Tagged bear , rabbit , shit , woods - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| A man and a woman are making love in some very dark woods. The man says, "I wish I had a torch." The woman replies, "so do I - you've been licking the grass for the last 10 minutes." | |
Joke by Aye-Same, in Sex and shit > Sex - Tagged man , woman , woods - Current Score: 16 - Added: 7 months ago
| With this year's "I'm a Celebrity..." line-up having been announced, we'll finally get an answer to the question "Do Behrs shit in the woods?". | |
Joke by che, in Celebrity and news events > Dani Behr - Tagged dani behr , im a celebrity , woods - Current Score: 14 - Added: 1 week ago
| Two American women are hiking in the woods. After an hour or so, they come to a stream. Unable to cross, they decide to walk along the stream and look for a narrower place. Fortunately they come to an old bridge spanning the stream. Deciding the bridge safe, the two women proceed to cross. Halfway across, one woman stops and says to the other, "I've always wanted to be like the guys, and urinate off a bridge." The other woman looks around and says, "Well, I don't see anyone around, now's your chance!" The first woman drops her hiking shorts and backs over to the side of the bridge. As she begins to urinate, she looks over her shoulder. "Holy shit!" she exclaims, "I just pissed in a canoe!" Alarmed, the second woman hurries over, and peeks at the stream. "Calm down," she says. "That wasn't a canoe you pissed in you soft cow, it was your reflection." | |
Joke by welsh twat, in Sex and shit > Young girls - Tagged pissed , woods , hiking , canoe , bridge - Current Score: 13 - Added: 3 months ago
| I remember playing golf in Thailand a few years back.I was playing quite well and a crowd had gathered. As I holed another putt,the crowd started shouting "Tiger!Woods!Tiger!Woods!" I turned to acknowledge them but they'd gone,and that's when the fucking tiger came out of the woods. | |
Joke by MICK THE MAG, in Jokes with no home > Golf - Tagged crowd , hole , tiger , woods - Current Score: 13 - Added: 3 weeks ago
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