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| Zookeeper says to Paddy, "The gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for 500 pounds?". Paddy replies, "I will on 3 conditions: 1st I'm not going to kiss it. 2nd my family must never know. 3rd I'll need a couple of weeks to get the cash together!" |    |
Joke by immortalshadow666, in Religion and racism > Kiwis - Tagged kiwi , black , gorilla , heat , zoo - Current Score: 168 - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago
| I took my nan out the other week, I couldn't believe what she was saying: "What are you doing here, go back to Africa, go back to India." Everyone was looking at us. I said, "Nan, it's a Zoo." | |
Joke by tw2361, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged nan , zoo , harry hill , hooves , animals - Current Score: 85 - Added: 1 month, 17 days ago
| Lots of criticism at the moment is being targetted at "Lad's Mags" such as Zoo, Nuts and Loaded. People are saying they are immoral and degrading to women. Conservative MPs have even stated that they are willing to be interviewed in such magazines to elaborate on why they are a bad thing. But, trust me, that's not going to happen. You never see a cunt in a Lad's Mag. | |
Joke by twayne, in Sex and shit > Cunt - Tagged cunt , lads mag , conservatives , nuts , zoo - Current Score: 82 - Added: 4 weeks ago
| The Unforgettable Elephant Story In 1986, Dan Harrison was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Dan approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Dan worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Dan stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Dan never forgot that elephant or the events of that day. Twenty years later, Dan was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Dan and his son Dan Jr. were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Dan, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man. Remembering the encounter in 1986, Dan couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Dan summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Dans legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant! | |
Joke by JamesRose, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged elephant , zoo , kenya , killed - Current Score: 48 - Added: 11 months ago
| A man drives into a petrol station and the attendant comes out to fill up the car. Looking into the back of the car the attendant sees 2 penguins and he says to the man, "what are they doing there?" The man replies, "I found the by the side of the road and I don't know what to do with them" "Why don't you take them to the zoo?" says the attendant. "What a great idea" says the man, pays for his petrol and drives off The next day the man returns to the petrol station and the attendant comes out again to fill up the car, he looks into the back and sees the penguins are still there, "I thought you were going to take them to the zoo!" he says, "I did" replied the man, "We had a great time. We're off to the museum now!" | |
Joke by Guest, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged zoo , penguin - Current Score: 43 - Added: 5 months ago
| A man who is friends with the manager at the local zoo is called into the managers office. "I need to ask you a favour" he says. "There's a school group coming tomorrow especially to see the silverback gorilla but he died earlier today. What I want you to do is dress up in a gorilla suit and pose as the gorilla to avoid disappointment." "No problem" says the man. "This should be fun." The next day he is in the enclosure nice and early in his gorilla suit clowning around and trying to act like any real gorilla would. The children arrive and he starts to act up for them and they all start to laugh at him. He starts to swing on the rope swing and gets quite a good reception. This encourages him a bit too much and he gets over confident and goes too high. He falls off in mid air and lands straight in the lion cage. Surrounded by lions and scared he takes the head of his suit off and screams "Help, help, I'm not really a gorilla." One lion moves closer to him and whispers. "shut the hell up or you'll get us all sacked." | |
Joke by superhorse, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged zoo , gorilla , clown , animals , loon , sack - Current Score: 42 - Added: 11 months ago
| Bloke walks into a bar with an elephant. "This elephant will do anything," he announces proudly. "All right," says the barman. "Make it stand on one leg." So the bloke lifts the elephant's ear up and whispers something to the elephant. Moments later the great grey beast lifts itself up onto its hind legs then carefully balances itself up on one leg. The crowd in the bar go wild with enthusiastic cheering. "Very clever," says the barman. "Now lets see it fuck my cat." And so saying, he plonks the genial bar cat onto the bar. The bloke with the elephant thinks a moment then takes the cat and places it on the floor in front of the elephant (who is still poised Bolshoi like on one leg). He gets up on tip toe and whispers something in the elephant's ear. As silence descends on the drinkers in the bar, the man steps back and the elephant teeters over and comes crashing down, splattering Tiddles across the floor. "There you go," says the bloke. "That's fucked it." | |
Joke by BIRTHDAYDASTARD, in Jokes with no home > Accident - Tagged cat , elephant , zoo - Current Score: 34 - Added: 8 months ago
| I went to the zoo yesterday and there was only one dog there. It was a shih tzu. | |
Joke by 619no1, in Jokes with no home > Animals - Tagged shih tzu , dog , zoo , animals - Current Score: 33 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
| Two queers having a day at the zoo. As they pass the gorilla's cage, one of them notices that the silverback has a huge erection. "Do you think he would mind if I touched it?" says one. "Try it," says his mate. He puts his hand through the bars and is promptly grabbed by the gorilla, who pulls him into the cage, throws him to the ground and shags the living daylights out of him. A week later he gets a hospital visit from his fellow uphill gardener. "Does it hurt?" asks his mate. "Of course it fucking hurts, he hasn't called me once, he hasn't fucking written............" | |
Joke by geebee, in Sex and shit > Gay - Tagged queers , zoo , gorilla - Current Score: 24 - Added: 1 month, 23 days ago
| Did you hear about the guy who had a job at the zoo circumcising elephants? The wages were poor but the tips were huge. | |
Joke by 619no1, in Jokes with no home > Work - Tagged work , zoo , job , elephant , circumcision - Current Score: 19 - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago
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