You know you're getting old when:
I was watching Babe Station. There was this gorgeous girl in a skimpy little French maid's outfit, pushing a vac around, bending over provocatively. And as her little skirt rode up, exposing her lovely little bottom with the little strip of black material covering her crack, all I could think was:
"We used to have a Hoover like that one."
I don't think it's fair that Babestation are only allowed to show boobs late at night, but BBC Parliament are allowed to show cunts all day.
If I've learned anything from 50 Shades of Grey, it's that women still haven't figured out you can watch porn at home....for free.
"Hi there caller, you're through to Babestation. What's your name, sexy?"
"Michael. My name's Michael."
"Nice name. My stepdad's called Michael."
"Yeah, I kn... err, rub your tits a bit more for me, please."
Apparently Babestation is a porn channel that gives you free access to looking, but you have to pay to listen.
Paying to listen to a woman talk? Not the best marketing scheme.
My wife was browsing in my computer when she suddenly stumbled upon something.
"What is this?" She asked. "There's a movie file here- Star Wars XXX."
"Believe me honey," I said " I was just as surprised as you were when I found out they made 30 of them."
What does a masturbating duck say?
Wank wank wank wank.
I've noticed that there's a shocking amount of sex on TV these days.
Especially when the wife's gone out.
I think TV channels like Babestation and Playboy TV are totally out of touch and inappropriate for the world we live in today.
Don't these sad losers have the Internet yet? That's where you get to see it going in and everything.
I would really appreciate late night porn channels using a bettter phrase than 'STD rate' for their call charges