??? Other Jokes

If I ever get a chance to appear on daytime TV, I'm going to say:

Cunt, cunt, fuuuuck, shit!!
Cock, fuck, cuuuunt!!
Shiiitt, fuck, shiiitt, fuck!!
Cuuunt, shit, fuuuuck!!!!

That way, when they beep it out, it'll spell 'fuck' in morse code.
Got kicked out of the team on "eggheads" the other day after I came head to head with CJ.
Dermot asked me if I could beat him.
"I'd love to with a shovel," wasn't the response he wanted.
For anyone who missed Eurovision, here's what songs were played:

France- Runaway
Iceland- Ashes to ashes
Greece- Money
Germany- Rule the world
Portugal- I want my baby back
Israel- Harder To Breathe
U.K.- Polish national anthem
Celebrity guest appearances everybody wants to see:

Stephen Hawking on Robot Wars
Bear grylls on I'm a celebrity get me out of here
Heather Mills on Total Wipeout
Maddie McCann on Treasure Hunt
Gary Glitter on Cbeebies
Vanessa George on Play School