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CallmeDeano's Statistics

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User Statistics
User Level: User
Contribution Points: 48
Total Joke Score: 1,565
Total Time Active: 21 hours, 29 minutes
Joke Statistics
Total Jokes Submitted: 53 Live Jokes: 27
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 26 Duplicate Jokes: 5
Average Joke Score (All Jokes): 29.53 Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): 57.96
Average Time Before Deletion: 1,023m
Favourite Subcategory Sex and shit > Wife (6)

The best of CallmeDeano's 27 jokes (View All).
1193403
A woman ran up to me frantically screaming in the street today.

"My boy, I've lost my boy," she said.

"Was he wearing a green and orange coat?" I asked.

"Yes!" she panted with relief. "Where is he?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. "But his coat's jammed in the wheel trim of that bus over there."
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by CallmeDeano in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 454.6

1194202
I was with my date in a club last night when she began looking a bit dazed - "Sarah! Are you ok?" I asked.

"I think I've... drank too much," she slurred, swaying side to side.

"Shall I take you home?" I asked again.

"Yes... Please," she muttered, collapsing into my arms. "My heads... Gonna hurt in the morning."

"Well not as much as your arse," I replied.
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Joke by CallmeDeano in Sex and shit - Dating - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 248.8

1219419
My wife thinks that I sneak out at night to smoke weed and get stoned, because my eyes are always blood shot.

I nod and agree with her... It's better than saying most girls carry pepper spray these days.
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Joke by CallmeDeano in Sex and shit - Rape - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 209.2

1223416
I got a bird back to my place last night.

She sat down and said, "I take it you masturbate a lot."

"I'm so sorry," I stuttered, loading my arms with DVDs. "I would have hidden my porn collection if I'd known I had a lady coming over."

"No, it's not that," she replied. "I'm stuck to your sofa."
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by CallmeDeano in Sex and shit - Masturbation - Added: 3 months ago - Current Score: 197

1247363
I went to see a fortune teller today.

When I walked out of the room my wife asked how it went.

"Fantastic!" I replied, "Couldn't have had better news."

"Ooh," she giggled. "I might get my future told."

"I wouldn't if I were you," I replied.
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Joke by CallmeDeano in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 2 months ago - Current Score: 148.8

1268010
I walked up to a Pakistani bird in the club last night.

"Fucking hell" I burst out, "I feel like I'm in the presence of god!"

"Why?" she smiled, "Because I'm an angel?"

"No" I replied, "You've got a fucking beard."
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Joke by CallmeDeano in Racism - Pakistani - Added: 4 weeks ago - Current Score: 88.2

1247244
I was tying a bunch of flowers to a lamppost down the road this morning, where my son had died in a car accident.

I turned around to see a black man stood behind me.

He smiled and said, "I'm sorry for your loss."

"You knew my son?" I asked.

"No, I was talking about this," he replied, waving my wallet in my face.
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by CallmeDeano in Racism - Black - Added: 2 months ago - Current Score: 53.4

1235385
I banged at my neighbour's door today.

"Your son has just smashed the window on my car!" I screamed.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sure he didn't mean it," she replied.

"That's not the point!" I snapped. "He should know to look before he crosses the road."
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by CallmeDeano in Other - ??? Random - Added: 2 months, 19 days ago - Current Score: 29

1287394
I took my son for a walk through the local forest today when we spotted a man in a tree who had hung himself.

I un-tied the rope from around his neck, laid him on the floor and said to my son, "Quick! Go and fetch a strong stick!"

"What for Dad?" he replied, tears streaming down his face.

"Do you want me to make this swing, or not?"
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by CallmeDeano in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 6 days ago - Current Score: 22.8

1242311
My girlfriend woke up during the night last night.

"Have you just been masturbating?" She asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Did the movement of the bed wake you up?"

"No it didn't you dirty bastard," she replied, wiping down her chin.
I like this! This is poor.  Edit this
Joke by CallmeDeano in Sex and shit - Masturbation - Added: 2 months ago - Current Score: 17.4


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