Cecilthewonderdog's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 649 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 8,282 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 377 hours, 51 minutes | ||
The best of Cecilthewonderdog's 251 jokes (View All).
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Sky News: eight-year-old girl found dead at a North Wales holiday camp. North Wales for a holiday? My money's on suicide. |
 
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Joke
by Cecilthewonderdog in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 785.2
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You know, some women would be over the moon to be woken up on their birthday with flowers, a lovely cooked breakfast in bed and twenty minutes of amazing oral sex. But oh no, not MY mum. |
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Joke
by Cecilthewonderdog in Sex and shit - Incest (+ 2 more) - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 643.8
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My daughter smeared butter all over my knob earlier. Now I can't open the fucking door. |
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Joke
submitted by Cecilthewonderdog, originally by Hugh Dennis in Other - Wordplay - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 540.2
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I got talking to a woman at the bus stop yesterday and she mentioned her seven-year-old daughter had been asking awkward sex questions. "Tell me about it," I said. "Oh, are you in the same boat?" she asked. "No," I said, "I just really fancy a wank." |
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Joke
by Cecilthewonderdog in Sex and shit - Paedophile - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 527.8
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What do we want? Bigger placards. When do we want them? No |
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I've just ordered the personal number plate BAA BAA. Should look cool on my black jeep. |
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Me and the wife were in the shopping centre earlier, where we rounded a corner to see a gaggle of young girls, all wearing next to nothing, pouring out of hmv. "Phoarr!", I said to the wife, pointing at a gorgeous lass of about twenty. "I bet you'd fucking love to have legs like her." She didn't respond, but I could tell she was upset. I could hear the sobs as I wheeled her up the ramp into Debenhams. |
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Joke
by Cecilthewonderdog in Illness and mortality - Amputation - Added: 1 week ago - Current Score: 347.2
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My mum's just had a right rant at me, calling me fucking disgusting and threatening to throw me out after finding spunk in my little sister Laura's underwear drawer. I don't know why she's blaming me, though - Laura spat it there. |
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I've just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There's no menu, we just give you what you deserve. |
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What do you call an emotionally fragile woman who can't take a beating? According to my wife Sandra's suicide note, Sandra. |
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Joke
by Cecilthewonderdog in Illness and mortality - Suicide - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago - Current Score: 234.2
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