I'm just an average man with shit jokes.
I'm not an American or from Yorkshire, so feel free to vote SICK :)
Oh and FUCK OFF HOMER!!
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I've been waiting at the pub for my wife to pick me up for hours now.
How long does it take to have a baby, for fuck's sake?
My wife was only 23 when she committed suicide after she found out that I'd once had sex with her mum.
I mean god, that was nearly 24 years ago, shouldn't affect her!
The USA are to introduce screening at airports to cut down the risk of Ebola entering the country.
The process is very straight forward.
They hold up a piece of white paper.
If the individual doesn't match, they don't come in.
Michael McIntyre has stormed off stage because a woman in the front row wouldn't get off of her phone.
She was only trying to find out what time the comedian was coming on!
After almost 5 years of regular hospital visits, tests, wanking into test-tubes etc, my wife and I are no nearer to having a child.
So we have decided that we've had enough of all this and we are going to take drastic measures.
I'm just going to have to fuck her. 155