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I quit my job working for Nike.
Just couldn't do it anymore.
Tonight a friend asked if he could crash on my couch.
I had to explain to him I was married now and that's where I sleep.
Using steroids makes things seem smaller and lighter when I lift now.
Like my penis for example.
I got fired because I lied on my CV with my new employer.
I really didn't think they'd actually measure my penis.
A Jewish mother walks her son to school on his first day in kindergarten.
"Behave, my Bubelah" she says to him.
"Take good care of yourself, my Tataleh".
"Come right back home on the bus, Sheyneleh. Your Mommy loves you a lot, my Ketsaleh."
At the end of the school day the bus comes and she runs to her son and hugs him.
"So what did, my Pupelah, learn?"
The boy answers, "I learned my name is Marvin!!"