• Hugh(_!_)Janus's Statistics

    • User Level:
    • User
    • This Month's Leaderboard Points:
    • 0
    • Total Contribution Points:
    • 26
    • Total Joke Score:
    • 4,129
    • Total Time Active:
    • 16 hours, 11 minutes
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  • Joke Statistics

    • Total Jokes Submitted:
    • 27
    • Live Jokes:
    • 13
    • Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates):
    • 14
    • Average Joke Score (All Jokes):
    • 152.93
    • Average Time Before Deletion:
    • 6,375m
    • Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted):
    • 317.62
    • Duplicate Jokes:
    • 3

Hugh(_!_)Janus's Jokes

A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.

"Excuse me do I know you?" he asks.

"Yes, I think you are the father of one of my kids" she says.

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says, "Fucking hell, are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me, and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?"

"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher!"
A beautiful woman was walking down the street when a man approached her.
The man said, "You are perfection, I must have you right now! I'll drop £500 at your feet and during the time it takes for you to pick it up, I can fuck you roughly from behind!"

The woman thinks it over and asks to the man to wait a minute. She calls her friend and asks her opinion. Her friend says, "The man's an idiot. Take it because, when he drops the £500 on the ground, I'm sure you can pick it up and run off before he can even get his cock out."

Two hours later the lady still hadn't phoned her friend back, so the friend phones her instead.

"Well? What happened?" she asks.

"The fucker had it in fifty pence pieces!"
Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation for sex with his wife.

Johnny's father, in an attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously 'What ya doin dad?' His father quickly replied,

'I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed.'

To which Little Johnny replied 'What ya gonna do, fuck him?'