A man is in a queue at Tesco and sees this busty blonde staring at him, he can't believe she is staring at him, then she starts waving.
"Excuse me do I know you?" he asks.
"Yes, I think you are the father of one of my kids" she says.
The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says, "Fucking hell, are you the bird I shagged on me stag do, whilst your mate whipped me, and your other mate stuck a brush up my arse?"
"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher!"
A beautiful woman was walking down the street when a man approached her.
The man said, "You are perfection, I must have you right now! I'll drop £500 at your feet and during the time it takes for you to pick it up, I can fuck you roughly from behind!"
The woman thinks it over and asks to the man to wait a minute. She calls her friend and asks her opinion. Her friend says, "The man's an idiot. Take it because, when he drops the £500 on the ground, I'm sure you can pick it up and run off before he can even get his cock out."
Two hours later the lady still hadn't phoned her friend back, so the friend phones her instead.