JamesOHands's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 72 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 196 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 23 hours, 23 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 85 | Live Jokes: | 32 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 53 | Duplicate Jokes: | 4 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 2.31 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 6.13 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 5,652m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | Sex and shit > Masturbation (3) | |||
The best of JamesOHands's 32 jokes (View All).
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Some people call Yoda 'green'. Fuck that. Not once have I seen him recycle. |
 
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For my cooking assessment at school, we had to make a cultural dish from only one continent around the world. I sat at my desk doing nothing whilst the rest of the class were cooking. "Why aren't you cooking anything?" my teacher asked me, "which continent are you doing?" "African," I replied. |
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I was in the shop the other day and I brought some tissues and vaseline. The other customers looked at me in disgust - some covered their mouths. So I started wanking. I didn't want them to think I had a cold. |
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A group of Christians from my local church knocked on my door today trying to convert me. "Can we come in?" they shouted. "The door's not working," I replied. "Do you really think we're going to believe that?" they called. "Do you really think I'm going to believe the world was created in seven fucking days?" |
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My wife recently opened up and started complaining about the size of my penis. "It's too small," she said sharply. "I'm sorry," I replied. "There's only so much of it I can take," she continued. "Well surely that makes it bearable?" I argued. |
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I know what I want on my gravestone. 'I never got the test back. But I bet the results were positive.' |
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I just saw a missing boy poster, which had a picture of him on and a description that read:
He's out there somewhere and we need to let him know we care. After reading this and walking through the park I saw a boy who matched the photograph perfectly; with my heart racing I ran over to the boy and said, "excuse me." "Yes?" he replied. "Here," I said quietly, showing him the piece of paper, "your parent [...] |
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| Reading the boy who cried wolf proved great for my sex life. What I did was I got my niece told her I'd raped her. She told her mum, who then took me to court. After DNA forensics proved me innocent I went home, shagged my niece. Now who's the one getting in trouble? |
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God I hate the panto season. "He's behind you!" Makes raping in public a fuck load harder. |
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I was so scared about rape when I went to prison. But I've been getting loads, it's great. |
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