LiamHills's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 182 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 1,080 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 20 hours, 28 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 79 | Live Jokes: | 13 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 66 | Duplicate Jokes: | 16 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 13.67 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 83.08 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 12,111m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | In The News > End Of The World (1) | |||
The best of LiamHills's 13 jokes (View All).
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Doctor: I'm sorry, but you're just too ugly for plastic surgery. I suggest wearing a plastic bag over your head. Patient: Um don't you mean a paper bag...? Doctor: Maybe I didn't emphasize how ugly you are... |
 
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Joke
submitted by LiamHills, originally by cyanide and happiness in Other - Professions (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 473.2
| Why are there so many sexy singles in my area that want to fuck me right now, but none of them want to even talk to me in a nightclub? |
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A group of 40 year old women had a reunion and agreed to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the male waiters had tight pants and nice bums.
Ten years later the 50 year olds again held their reunion, agreeing to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the food was very good. Ten years later the 60 year olds again held their reunion, agreeing to meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet, and the restaurant had a lovely [...] |
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Joke
by LiamHills in Illness and mortality - Alzheimer/Dementia - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 142.4
| I've just realized that tofu is over-rated, it's just a curd to me. |
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We've been through avian flu, swine flu, Y2K, two world wars, uncountable tornado's, tsunami's, and earthquakes, we've survived terrorism, been on the brink of atomic warfare, and seen the Doomsday Clock get to a mere two minutes to spare I'm pretty sure this 2012 bullshit can go get fucked. |
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Joke
by LiamHills in In The News - End Of The World - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 17.8
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My wife woke me the other day by repeatedly poking me in the lower back with a broom handle. When i asked what the fuck she was doing she replied "You try it for once!" |
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Today i saw a sign which said "Watch the step" I did, for three fucking hours. It didn't do a bloody thing. |
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What's the only thing a woman should wear out? The carpet between the kitchen and the bedroom. |
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We English can't really complain about immigration, we started the trend. We got on out boats and started colonies every-fucking-where, teaching everyone to speak English and imitate our culture, then we wondered why they were following us back! We should have taught the fuckers French instead. |
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My girlfriend said to me the other day: "Hey wanna join my parents for tea tonight?" I replied: "I'd rather join MY parents." "I thought your parents were dead." "They are." |
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