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|This month's Leaderboard points:||5|
|Total Joke Score:||9,278|
|Total Time Active:||85 hours, 25 minutes|
I said to my girlfriend, "Now remember, my mother is very old, so speak nice and slow and very loud."
Then I said to my perfectly capable mother, "By the way, my girlfriend is slightly retarded."
What fun that was...
I saw a poster this morning for a missing five year old girl. Blue eyes, blonde hair, always smiling.
Anyway, this afternoon I was in the town hall, I looked to my right and saw a big curtain which over time had sagged and I could see through. I was shocked to see a little girl with her hands tied sitting on a mattress - five years old; like the poster, blue eyes; like the poster, blonde hair, like the poster and... No this one was balling her eyes out.
I went to the cinema today and asked for a child ticket to which she responded,
"How old are you?"
"16" I replied
"16 is an adult" she said.
"OK then, I'll have a beer please. No? Child ticket it is then".
|My nan had a heart attack on a bus today. Unsure what to do, I looked around for help. Thankfully on the window it said 'In case of emergency, smash window'. I did this but my nan still died.|