Tallahassee 90476's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 69 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 476 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 17 hours, 36 minutes | ||
The best of Tallahassee 90476's 32 jokes (View All).
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I was just having my morning dump, when a man started knocking on the door, "Are you going to be long in there?" he asked. "It's an emergency." "Hang on a moment," I answered back, pulling up my trousers. "Phew," I said as I pushed past him. "I'd give it a couple of minutes if I was you. In fact, you'd probably be better using the other phone box down the road." |
 
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I said, "I've been using Flora Pro-Activ to help maintain a healthy heart." "You fucking prick," shouted my boss at the organ transplant service. "You're supposed to use ice!" |
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Joke
by Tallahassee 90476 in Illness and mortality - Hospital (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 months, 22 days ago - Current Score: 81.6
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"Keeping an eye on your kids when they're in the bath is really important," I said. "Turning your back for a split second and well, anything can happen. It doesn't bear thinking about does it?" "I totally agree," said my neighbour, "but I still want you to get down from that fucking ladder!" |
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Joke
by Tallahassee 90476 in Sex and shit - Pervert (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 months, 17 days ago - Current Score: 49.6
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As I sat down at the breakfast table, my wife said, "Apparently that pretty, blonde teenager from down the road was raped in the park last night. It's shocking isn't it? Can you imagine what she went through?" "Dave? Dave! Are you listening to me?" she asked. "Ssssh, I'm imagining. The park you said?" |
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Joke
by Tallahassee 90476 in Sex and shit - Teenagers (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 month, 22 days ago - Current Score: 44.2
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I came down the stairs and said to my wife, "I've just caught our son shaving." "Well he's thirteen now and growing up. You'll have some competition now for the man of the house," she giggled. "I don't fucking think so. The gay twat was shaving his legs." |
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Joke
by Tallahassee 90476 in Sex and shit - Gay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 months, 24 days ago - Current Score: 26.4
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We now have all the letters in the office delivered by second-class. Obviously, I don't call Ahmed second-class to his face. |
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I called in on my mum and dad earlier to see their new Labrador puppy. "And what's your name fella?" I asked. "We've called him Bouncer," replied my dad. I was a little embarrassed when he started sniffing my crotch. "Christ, dad! Leave it out. What kind of example are you setting to Bouncer?" |
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Joke
by Tallahassee 90476 in Sex and shit - Animals (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 months ago - Current Score: 17.2
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A local copper had seen my dog crap on the pavement. "You're picking that up, right?" he said. "Of course, officer," I replied, reluctantly popping the steaming turd into a carrier bag. But when I got home, my wife asked, "Why's there dog shit all over the shopping?" |
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Joke
by Tallahassee 90476 in Sex and shit - Shit (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 month, 30 days ago - Current Score: 15.2
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I've just subscribed to Sheep Farmers weekly magazine. I was delighted to receive a free pen. |
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Joke
by Tallahassee 90476 in Other - Wordplay (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 month, 25 days ago - Current Score: 14.8
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I bumped into my next-door-neighbour at Babbacombe Model Village. "Fancy seeing you here," he said. "It's a small world isn't it?" "Er...Yeah...It's a model village." |
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Joke
by Tallahassee 90476 in Other - Misunderstanding (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 days ago - Current Score: 13.4
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