Tarquin Powers's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 25 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 1,009 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 6 hours, 4 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 18 | Live Jokes: | 11 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 7 | Duplicate Jokes: | 0 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 56.06 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 91.73 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 78m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | Sex and shit > Wife (1) | |||
The best of Tarquin Powers's 11 jokes (View All).
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During one of our lessons I asked the children what their fathers did for a living. "My Dad runs the fire station. He's the station officer." Said Simon. "Very good Simon. Anyone else?" "My Dad runs the local prison," piped up Billy. "Excellent Billy. Is he the prison governor?" I asked. "No Sir, he's just the hardest cunt in there." |
 
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I used to go in the pie shop every day because I fancied the girl that worked behind the counter. It took me ages but I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out. She told me to fuck off because I was a fat cunt. |
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Joke
by Tarquin Powers in Illness and mortality - Obesity (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 month, 17 days ago - Current Score: 124.8
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"Now then Smith. For your art exam, you present me with..... A one dollar bill which has been wrapped in slices of cold meat and then shaped to resemble a penis.....Can I ask what on earth is this to do with royal family residences." "It's Buck in Ham Phallus, Sir." |
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I wheeled my 50's jukebox into A&E. "Can I help?" enquired the receptionist. "Yeah, I think I've got a slipped disc." |
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While driving back from the most outrageous sex show ever. The car was drenched in a stunned silence so I thought I'd better say something. "Wow. Well kids what did you think of that?" |
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The only time I'd pay 60p for a stamp. Is if it was on a Pakis head. |
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Joke
by Tarquin Powers in Racism - Pakistani (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 month, 18 days ago - Current Score: 1
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I've saved myself a fortune over the last six months getting my vodka and cigs off the local Poles. Though now I'm unable to see and can't breathe without a ventilator. |
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If I've got one grain of rice in one hand and one in the other. What do I have? A tribe of Africans chasing me around their village. |
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When my wife walked in from work I passed her a huge bunch of flowers. She dropped her bag, gave me a huge cuddle, kissed me and told me she loved me. "I love you too but could you take them next door. They were delivered earlier but she wasn't in." |
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In a fit of rage, I smashed my expensive acoustic guitar against the wall. A sliver of wood shot off the wall and stuck in my wife's eye. Clutching at her face she yelled, "Call for an emergency." "I'm on to it," I said dialling 999 as quick as I could. "Hello, Which service?" "The nearest guitar repair shop please." |
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