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|This month's Leaderboard points:||0|
|Total Joke Score:||7,952|
|Total Time Active:||484 hours, 52 minutes|
I own Call of Duty Modern Warfare, World at War, Modern Warfare 2 and Black Ops, so deciding what I wanted for Christmas was easy.
I really want to get laid.
I was out on a first date when I saw a couple of lads from my football team:
"Alright skipper?" they said, as they walked past.
"Mmmm, I love a man with power..." Purred my date, "especially the captain of a team."
"I'm not the captain" I explained, "I've just got a really gay run."
I fucked this woman last night and finished all over her face:
"You dirty bastard" she moaned, "you could have given me some warning."
"Sorry love, I'm a bus driver" I said. "I don't give any indication when I'm pulling out."
I was in Tesco recently, when I bumped into this woman I'd started dating:
"Oi, you told me you were in the Red Arrows" she said.
"No I didn't" I said, arranging the washing powder, "I told you I was in the Ariel display team."
My Physics teacher says my understanding of forces is the worst he's ever known.
Personally I think he's pushing my leg.
I was stood at the bar last night when an overweight girl came over:
"Hey stud, got a name?" she purred.
"Dave" I said, "but everyone calls me cake"
"Wow, nice nickname. Is that 'cos you're so sweet?" she giggled.
"No" I said, "it's 'cos when I'm out, every fat cunt tries to get their hands on me."