alan poon's Profile Information:
I try to be original.
Sometimes I think I've got a good one and it fails miserably, sometimes it's the other way around.
One thing I've realised is that clever does not always equal funny.
Sometimes I think I've got a good one and it fails miserably, sometimes it's the other way around.
One thing I've realised is that clever does not always equal funny.
alan poon's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 7 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 1,211 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 42 hours, 41 minutes | ||
The best of alan poon's 72 jokes (View All).
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That was a cracking New year's party I went to last night. Nice looking women, great food, good music. Everyone just having a good time And they didn't even notice me staring in through the crack in the curtains. |
 
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| I've just found out my girlfriend is a slag. We've all been there haven't we? |
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Me and the wife were arguing at the bus stop when the bus pulls over. The driver opened the door and asked, "Are you getting on or what, mate?" "Nah, she's a cunt." I said. |
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"Timmy , your homework assignment was to read War and Peace. Why haven't you read it?" "Sorry Miss. It's a long story." |
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Amanda Holden was visiting her ex, Les Dennis, when she miscarried. She came out of the bathroom with a patch of red blood between her legs and asked him whether she'd lost her baby. He said, "If it's up there, I'll give you the money myself." |
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Joke
by alan poon in Illness and mortality - Miscarriage - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 129
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I was sat in this cafe last night having some supper when that Jean Claude Van Damme came over shitfaced going on and on and on about how life has done him wrong. After half an hour of bullshit I made an excuse to go to the toilet but went and informed the manager I wasn't happy and didn't intend to pay for my meal. "What was wrong with it?" He asked. "The Belgian waffles." I replied. |
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The wife and I were watching tonight's Superbowl on the couch when I remarked. "What's with all the extra padding?" She said "I think it's to stop them getting hurt." "I was on about you, you fat fucker. You've really let yourself go lately." |
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Joke
by alan poon in Sports - American Football - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 20.4
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My mate's a professional contortionist who got kicked out of his flat on Christmas Day for failing to keep up with his rent. He's been living out of a suitcase ever since. |
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'Win a trolley full of goodies.' The Tesco advert said in the newspaper. Imagine my disappointment after being informed I'd won to find Graham Garden, Bill Oddie and Tim Brooke Taylor left in a trolley outside my house tonight. |
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My wife is naive. I told her the reason it's called Boxing Day is that us men don't have to come home from the pub til we've had twelve rounds. |
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