• bumblesquash's Statistics

  • Turn the lights off on your way out ...

    • User Level:
    • User
    • This Month's Leaderboard Points:
    • 25
    • Total Contribution Points:
    • 3919
    • Total Joke Score:
    • 97,179
    • Total Time Active:
    • 2,584 hours, 19 minutes
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Note: once generated statistics are saved and may not be re-calculated for up to 48 hours. These statistics have just been generated for you. Aren't we nice?

  • Joke Statistics

    • Total Jokes Submitted:
    • 7,067
    • Live Jokes:
    • 2,735
    • Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates):
    • 4,332
    • Average Joke Score (All Jokes):
    • 13.75
    • Average Time Before Deletion:
    • 28,831m
    • Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted):
    • 35.53
    • Duplicate Jokes:
    • 365

bumblesquash's Jokes

It's hard to explain the distress I felt when I first saw my daughter on her death bed.

Fucking goth.
My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?"
I said, "Sure."
She said, "Great, when?"
I said, "Well, like every other guy: when I meet the right girl."
I've adopted a little African child. I worried that he wouldn't adapt well to our way of life...

So, to make him feel at home, I put a treadmill in front of the sink.
A guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter. I said, "Sure, give me your packet."
He handed over his packet and I took a cigarette out. I said, "There you go."
"What the fuck is that?" he said bemused.
I replied, "It's a cigarette lighter."