Turn the lights off on your way out ...
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Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday...
Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny, would it Jo?
It's hard to explain the distress I felt when I first saw my daughter on her death bed.
My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?"
I said, "Sure."
She said, "Great, when?"
I said, "Well, like every other guy: when I meet the right girl."
I've adopted a little African child. I worried that he wouldn't adapt well to our way of life...
So, to make him feel at home, I put a treadmill in front of the sink.
A guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter. I said, "Sure, give me your packet."
He handed over his packet and I took a cigarette out. I said, "There you go."
"What the fuck is that?" he said bemused.
I replied, "It's a cigarette lighter." 545