A bloke goes in to work and finds his colleague sitting at his desk, chuckling and shaking his head. On asking, "What's up?" his work mate says, "Well, I had this really embarrassing Freudian slip this morning!"
The bloke asks what a Freudian slip is and his pal explains that it's when you mean to say something but what you actually say is what you're thinking. He then gives his example: -

"I was queueing at the train station ticket office and couldn' [...]

A bloke goes in to work and finds his colleague sitting at his desk, chuckling and shaking his head. On asking, "What's up?" his work mate says, "Well, I had this really embarrassing Freudian slip this morning!"
The bloke asks what a Freudian slip is and his pal explains that it's when you mean to say something but what you actually say is what you're thinking. He then gives his example: -

"I was queueing at the train station ticket office and couldn't help but notice that the girl behind the counter has a massive pair of hooters. They were real eye magnets! When I got to the window, instead of asking for a ticket to Tooting I asked her for a ticket to TITTING. She blushed, I blushed, I got my ticket and scarpered."
The bloke laughs and says, "Oh, I see. That's funny!"

The following day, the other bloke is sitting at his desk laughing to himself when his workmate walks in and asks, "What's so funny?"
The bloke replies, "I had one of your Freudian slips this morning. I was sitting at the breakfast table with the missus and I meant to say 'pass the marmalade' but what I actually said was 'FUCK OFF, YOU FAT BITCH, YOU'VE RUINED MY LIFE!"

A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Muslim he would see strutting down the side of the road. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about [...]

A van driver used to amuse himself by running over every Muslim he would see strutting down the side of the road. He would swerve to hit them and there would be a loud "THUMP" and then he would swerve back on the road.

One day, as the driver was driving along, he saw a priest hitch-hiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the van over. He asked the Priest, "Where are you going, Father?"
"I'm going to say mass at St. Joseph's church, about two miles down the road," replied the priest.
"No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift! climb in!"

The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the van continued down the road. Suddenly the driver saw a Muslim walking down the road and instinctively swerved to hit him. But, just in time, he remembered the bloody priest so, at the last minute, he swerved back to the road, narrowly missing his original target. However even though he was certain he missed him, the driver still heard a loud "THUD".

Not understanding where the noise came from, he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything he turned to the priest and said, "I'm sorry Father, I almost hit that Muslim."
"Don't worry," replied the priest. "I got the fucker with the door!"