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Have a lie down and a pot of Darjeeling. Maybe a Breakaway too, if you're feeling crazy.

drof's Statistics

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User Statistics
User Level: Admin
Total Joke Score: 67,761
Total Time Active: 1,067 hours, 11 minutes
Joke Statistics
Total Jokes Submitted: 2,584 Live Jokes: 1,155
Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): 1,429 Duplicate Jokes: 151
Average Joke Score (All Jokes): 26.22 Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): 58.67
Average Time Before Deletion: 35,398m
Favourite Subcategory Other > Wordplay (136)

The best of drof's 1,155 jokes (View All).
545488
Rick Astley asked me if he could borrow my collection of Pixar films.
"Okay," I said. "You can have Toy Story, Cars and Finding Nemo but I'm never gonna give you Up."
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Joke by drof in Celebrities - Musician/Singer - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 1,852.8

416635
I can't see an end.
I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore.

Definitely time for a new keyboard.
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Joke by drof in Other - Computers/Technology - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 1,734.8

360240
Opinions are like orgasms.
Mine's more important and I don't give a fuck if she has one.
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Joke by drof in Sex and shit - Orgasm - Added: 2 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 1,677.2

1025317
A girl came up to me in a bar - short skirt, tits like ripe fruit, hair in a pony tail. "What would you say if I told you I was wearing no underwear?" she breathed.

"I'd say 'neither am I'."

She raised her eyebrows. "Really? I'm wearing none because it gives men like you..." she licked her lips, "easy access..."

"Oh?" I replied. "I've got none on because I shit myself in the gents."
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Joke by drof in Sex and shit - Shit - Added: 10 months ago - Current Score: 1,628.4

341601
Roses are red, but there are also pink, white and yellow varieties
Violets aren't blue, they're violet, hence the name
I've got OCD
And my poetry skills are also lacking.
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Joke by drof in Events - Valentines Day - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 1,293.4

247856
It's really difficult to find what you want on eBay.
I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches.
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Joke by drof in Other - Wordplay - Added: 2 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,196.2

1184828
My New Year's resolutions are:

1. Stop making lists.
B. Be more consistent.
7. Learn to count.
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Joke by drof in Events - New Year - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 1,151.4

254485
I was in McDonald's and this stunning young girl took my order.
"I can make it large for you for an extra 30p," she said sweetly.
"I'm afraid you already have," I replied, "but how about a wank for a pound?"
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Joke by drof in Other - Food and Drink (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,080.4

990709
My wife has packed her bags and gone - just because of my fetish with touching pasta.

I'm feeling cannelloni right now.
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Joke by drof in Other - Wordplay - Added: 11 months ago - Current Score: 930.4

898970
My wife asked me how I could love her and still enjoy watching porn.

I told her, I love my car but I still watch Formula 1 too.

She was happy with this analogy - I just never mentioned I also go to Hertz for the occasional rental.
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Joke by drof in Sex and shit - Prostitutes - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 915.4


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