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"Ah, thats sweet" said my wife, "Mo Farah has just had twins."
Lucky bastard! That's always been one of my fantasies too.
After a state funeral, Nelson Mandela will be cremated at a private ceremony.
This will be done by placing a tyre round his neck, filling it with petrol...
A guy from Louth has been convicted of performing an act of sexual penetration with a Staffordshire Bull Terrier.
I can sympathise with him. I've seen a picture of his girlfriend, it's an easy mistake to make.
"No tools are left in this vehicle overnight"
"...But have you considered trying your luck during the day"
"Wayne Rooney is not world class" - Joey Barton
"Joey Barton is a tosser" - Everyone. 4