• escribblings's Statistics

    • User Level:
    • User
    • This Month's Leaderboard Points:
    • 0
    • Total Contribution Points:
    • 75
    • Total Joke Score:
    • 2,161
    • Total Time Active:
    • 34 hours, 16 minutes
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  • Joke Statistics

    • Total Jokes Submitted:
    • 24
    • Live Jokes:
    • 6
    • Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates):
    • 18
    • Average Joke Score (All Jokes):
    • 90.04
    • Average Time Before Deletion:
    • 38,662m
    • Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted):
    • 360.17
    • Duplicate Jokes:
    • 12

escribblings's Jokes

Two women are chatting in an office.

Woman 1: "I had sex last night, did you?"

Woman 2: "Yes."

Woman 1: "Was it good?"

Woman 2: "No, it was a disaster... my husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?"

Woman 1: "Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!"

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: "You wanted sex last night, how was it?"

Husband 2: "Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate, had sex with my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?"

Husband 1: "It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour - and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't climax for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!"
I went into my local chemist the other day, clutching my carrier bag and wandered over to the customer service desk.

"I'd like a refund please," I said.

"Sure," began the young assistant. I was most surprised as usually they need to call someone over.

I rummaged in my carrier bag noisily, and placed the bottle of sexual lubricant onto the counter.

"Are there any problems with it?" she asked, with her drawn on eyebrows narrowing.

"Yes" I replied, "It's not fit for purpose"

She paused. "Not fit for purpose?" She mirrored quietly, her eyes now narrowing.

"Yes," I replied. "I can't use the product for the specific purpose for which I purchased it for."

Her silence spoke a thousand words.

"Well, look." I picked up the bottle and held it towards her. "See." I gestured at the writing.

She read the words to herself, "Keep away from children."