- This Month's Leaderboard Points:
- Total Contribution Points:
- Total Time Active:
- 1,500 hours, 7 minutes
- Total Jokes Submitted:
- Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates):
- Average Joke Score (All Jokes):
- Average Time Before Deletion:
- Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted):
Yesterday, I told my workmate a joke about rape and he said, "Mate, if you think making jokes about rape is funny then you're wrong. My wife got raped and trust me, it's not funny."
Feeling slightly ashamed, I said, "Sorry. When did this happen?"
"Last week," he replied.
I paused for a moment.
"Behind the bus station?"
"Er... no reason."
Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens.
Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted.
My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!"
Guess who had to put the batteries in.
As I sat in the living room my five year old shouted at me from the back door.
"I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside." I said.
Again, he shouted back.
"I told you, I can't hear you from there. It's rude to shout. If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room." I replied.
A few moments later my son appeared in the living room.
"Dad, I've got dog shit all over my shoes."
If the secret to a long life is eating oily fish, how come I nearly choke to death every time I go down on the wife?