Just get all the bitches to be honest.
ithomson1's Statistics
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| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 50 | Total Joke Score: | 8,591 |
| Country: |
United kingdom 
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Total Time Active: | 30 hours, 9 minutes |
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 235 | Live Jokes: | 109 |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 126 | Duplicate Jokes: | 10 |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 36.56 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 78.82 |
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The best of ithomson1's 109 jokes (View All)
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I put £10 on a horse at Cheltenham yesterday. The horse just ate it. |
 
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Briana Banks. If you know the name, I know what you've been doing. |
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Angela, a daft sixty-year-old cleaner, came up to me at work today and said to me, "Ohh, looks like it's going to be one of those days today," whilst pointing out the window and staring at the rain. After a few seconds of silence I turned to her and said, "Angela." "Yes?" she said. And I added, after another few seconds of silence, "Fuck off." |
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I was watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' last night and I couldn't help but think to myself that, if I was on the show, I would definitely use 118 Directory Enquiries as my phone-a-friend option. |
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| I'm currently looking to buy a new house. I'm thinking about getting a semi next to the local primary school. |
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Like a lot of people, I spend about 10 unnecessary minutes in the shower. About 9 of them are spent giggling at the surface runoff at the end of my penis which makes it look like I'm taking a piss. |
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| I didn't realise that Manchester City fans went to their home games dressed as empty seats. |
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My mate told me that he's recently started shagging his girlfriend's flat mate. "Mate" I said, "that's pretty terrible." "Well" he said, "I know she's a flat mate but her arse that makes up for it." |
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My secretary ran into my office today and gasped "Sir! Three men have come into the store, each with a loaded sawn off shotgun! They've already shot Colin in the foot whilst he was working on the fruit and veg isle and they've held up Gary on the tills and forced him to hand over all the money! They've demanded the keys to the safe and they're making their way upstairs to find you at this very moment!".
I sat and considered the situation calmly for a few seconds and said, " [...] |
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| The Page 3 girl in the Sun this morning was shit, she was fat and bald. |
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