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|This month's Leaderboard points:||0|
|Total Joke Score:||194|
|Total Time Active:||12 hours, 35 minutes|
|Sickipedia have released an update to their iPhone app, version 2.0. It's funny. I'd have thought they would go straight from version 1.0 to 1.6 or 2.3 or maybe even -0.8.|
|BREAKING NEWS: David Cameron has ordered the immediate removal of the troops in Afghanistan and has decided to invade Uruguay.|
They had to stop broadcasting the original swiftcover advert with Iggy Pop as swiftcover have a policy against giving car insurance to celebrities.
I don't even understand why Iggy Pop needs car insurance... he's the passenger.
I recently applied for a job as a children's teacher at a local school. The woman interviewing me said, "Make sure you wear a belt as we've had incidents in the past". I replied "I won't need a belt. I'll have something perfectly firm enough to hold my trousers up around all those kids".
Anyway I got the job.
Maria Sharapova's groaning is so loud and annoying.
Next time I think I'll give her enough rohypnol to knock her out.
|I don't know why but I found it incredibly funny when I found out from my doctor that I had a urinary problem. I pissed myself when he told me.|
New voice recognition software is going to give you very little privacy while using the computer.
Imagine having to shout "Sexy Lesbians Fuck Each Other With Strap-ons" at your computer screen.
|My American girlfriend asked me to go and visit her family with her in America so I reluctantly went with her. Surprisingly, we actually had a great time and it was very romantic, so I felt the time was right to tell her I was a paedophile. Straight away she tells the police and I've been sentenced to 8 years. Trust the fucking Americans to have a law against foot fetishes.|