I was clicking through Sickipedia when I came across the Madeleine McCann section and I must say I'm absolutely outraged at what I read. Scores and scores of jokes all implying poor Maddie was dead. I took such offence to it all. I mean, for fuck's sakes, I'm a grown man: I think I'm capable of looking after a little girl.
I was walking down the street the other day when I bumped into my old girlfriend from school. She was now happily married and had a four year old child, who was with her at the time. She introduced me to the little kid and he began to tell me about, well, I have no idea actually. I was just too preoccupied trying not to blurt out "I fucked your mum".