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- Other - Animals/Insects (4 Total Jokes)
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have got an A when he had barely written anything at all.
His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynaecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organiser
22. a good father
23. very clean
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly.
45. Love shopping.
46. Be honest.
47. Be very rich.
48. Not stress her out.
49. Not look at other girls.
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself.
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself.
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes.
53. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT to never forget:
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Feed him.
2. Fuck him.
3. Shut Up.
I told the lady at the desk that I invented a folding bottle. She asked me what I called it.
"A Fottle," I said.
"What else do you have?"
"A folding carton."
"What do you call it?"
She sniggered and said, "Those are silly names for products and one of them sounds kind of crude."
I was so upset by her comment that I grabbed the form and left the office without even telling her about my folding bucket.
As soon as the first dancer walked out, the guy directly behind him yelled, "YEAH BABY! THAT'S WHAT I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!"
The man in the front row turned around and gave him a dirty look.
A few minutes into the show, the dancer did a move and snatched off her top, revealing two tassels provocatively placed over her nipples. The guy behind our friend goes off again. "YEAH BABY! SHAKE THOSE THINGS."
Our friend turned around and said, "Hey buddy, calm down!"
After a few moments, the dancer did another move, and snatched off her dress, revealing a very thin G-string. Again the man behind our friend yelled out, "OH BABY! YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!"
Our friend again turned around and said, "Hey buddy, shut the hell up, will ya?"
A few minutes later, the dancer stretched out on the floor and snatched off both the tassels and the G-string, and the whole club went wild, except for the man behind our friend. Curious, our friend turned around and asked, "Say buddy, where's your enthusiasm now?"
The guy responded, "It's on your back, dude."