mg1's Statistics
Note: once generated statistics are saved and may not be re-calculated for up to 48 hours. These statistics have just been generated for you. Aren't we nice?
User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 553 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 74,200 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 685 hours, 44 minutes | ||
The best of mg1's 1,231 jokes (View All).
| I was eating my tea last night when I suddenly thought to myself, "This milk must be seriously out of date." |
 
|
|
My wife and I auditioned for Britain's Got Talent last month. Simon said, "What is your act?" I said, "Magic." He said, "Okay, so what are you both going to do?" I said, "We are going to make a child disappear into thin air." He said, "Have you ever done this before?" I said, "Yes, once." He said, "Okay Gerry & Kate, good luck." |
|
|
I got home from the pub last night and my wife said, "I can't believe how intoxicated you are." Denying it I said, "I'm not drunk." She said, "Yes you are." I said, "No I'm fucking not." She said, "Can you tell the time?" I walked up to the clock and said, "I'm not fucking drunk." |
|
Joke
by mg1 in Illness and mortality - Alcohol And Drugs (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1,500
|
NEWS : 'Suicide Bomber Strikes again' He is clearly not very good. |
|
|
So, X-rated websites have been given the approval to have the XXX domain name? Surely this is going to confuse the Americans when they are shopping for clothes online. |
|
|
I came home from work early today and caught my daughter masturbating with a cucumber. "That's disgusting" I said, "I'm meant to be eating that tonight, now it's going to taste like salad." |
|
|
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low cut tops. Although, they do make me look a bit gay. |
|
|
A policeman knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence.
After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away. Then he decided to look through the window. He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, sir. Open the door." I said, "You're not coming in mate!&quo [...] |
|
|
I desperately needed a massive shit on the train today but the toilet was out of order, so I just sat there and held it for about 20 minutes. The woman sitting opposite looked at me in disgust and said, "Is that a poo in your hand?" |
|
|
I stopped my car beside a prostitute last night. As she got in I asked, "How much for a blow job?" She said, "Thirty quid." I said, "Can you do twenty?" "Yeah, okay" she replied. I said, "Great, here's £600 then." |
|
Page load time: 0.67s (Startup: 0.05s, Controller: 0.13s, Template: 0.48s)
Our hosting is from CCPG Solutions. They are bloody great.
Sickipedia v3.5 - a
cr3ative media
® project. © 2005 - 2012
